Okay, so I have always loved being beside the sea, watching the tides come and go, acknowledging its raw power and yet, simultaneously, its ability to soothe and give perspective to life.

So, when I found myself in the privileged position of staying in a cottage right on the edge of the sea, I pledged to fulfill one of my “bucket-list” ambitions, a very early morning skinny dip!

Well of course I had made sure I could not be seen! Really, what do you take me for?? And.. yes, it is December and it would freeze the tatties off you when you are fully clothed, but I had made a promise to myself and there was no going back. Welllll now………………

That’s where the “dream” ends and the bloody nightmare begins! When you see these gorgeous women stride confidently into the waves they are NOT walking on the razor-sharp stones in this bay, so I kept my nice comfy slippers on( sponge filled ones). They are also NOT getting into water so cold it would strip the flesh from your bones! I had intended to walk into about mid-thigh height. Unfortunately as soon as the water hit my knees shock took over. I tried to yell but no sound came out; my legs started to shake and I was jumping around like a maniac. Meanwhile my nice spongy slippers had filled with water and, yes, you guessed, I lost my balance, falling ass over tit and going completely under the waves.

Dear God almighty!! Never have I felt anything like it, so cold it was painful. Even when I got into the hot shower, in an attempt to get feeling back into my legs, the skin prickled and stung.

What a tit! Bollocks to bucket lists! I don’t think they are supposed to kill you.

Mind you, if it hadn’t been me, and it had been caught on film, I think I may have just died laughing.