You don’t, ever.
Things and people you thought of as “forever” can disappear in the blink of an eye, often leaving a wake of hurt and devastation, whilst some quiet, unassuming folk can offer a strong, tender pair of arms to help and shelter you just when you need it most.
The older I get the more I seem to hear myself say, “But I don’t understand,” feeling both foolish and childish simultaneously.
Life is just too short, too precious, to spread so much hurt and annoyance.
I don’t understand.
So what do you do? What can I do?
I carry on. I hurt, feel sad, can’t be assed to do stuff, but I keep carrying on. The alternative is grim.
I start, very slowly, with something or someone in my life who warms my heart, and remember why it is good to be alive, even in the crappy times.
are free. I agree, but how about the best things in life to give?
Throughout my adult life I have gone from being quite flush with money to not having the proverbial pot to urinate in, and everything in between.
At one of my more financially lean times a very good friend had a big birthday. The potential of a grand gesture was fairly remote, so, I spent the one thing I could on her, time.
I spent time, freely and liberally, considering what her friendship means to me and put it down on paper. It allowed me to express feelings I could never do verbally because………well, I’m not sure of the because actually.
I would cry of course (bucket loads) and so would she,( more buckets), but most probably because, as I grew up, I learned to not say, “I love you. You mean the world to me.” The reasons for this are too many and too screwed up to think about, and they don’t matter now either.
The important thing is that, long after most gifts would have passed their sell-by dates, my friend still has these words, to read again when she needs to feel the message they hold. And she does.
I still love shopping for presents, searching for that something special, hoping to please someone special, but for a gift that keeps on giving, try some love, appreciation and understanding.