Tag Archives: Bad Behaviour

You Never Know

Families, Life Stressors, Love & Life, , , , , , ,

You don’t, ever.

Things and people you thought of as “forever” can disappear in the blink of an eye, often leaving a wake of hurt and devastation, whilst some quiet, unassuming folk can offer a strong, tender pair of arms to help and shelter you just when you need it most.

The older I get the more I seem to hear myself say, “But I don’t understand,” feeling both foolish and childish simultaneously.

Life is just too short, too precious, to spread so much hurt and annoyance.

I don’t understand.

So what do you do? What can I do?

I carry on. I hurt, feel sad, can’t be assed to do stuff, but I keep carrying on. The alternative is grim.

I start, very slowly, with something or someone in my life who warms my heart, and remember why it is good to be alive, even in the crappy times.

Faking It

Easy Living, Life Stressors, , , ,

Have you ever sat in a room where there is lots of laughter and hilarity and people are obviously having a great time, and yet, even though you are smiling and chatting, you wish with all your heart you were anywhere but there? It’s like the room is closing in around you and all you can hear is joined up noise; no individual words, just one ear-splitting clamour.

You want to gather yourself up and make for the exit, find your car and get home as fast as you can. But you can’t. This is a big night out, so you might have a drink and so you didn’t bring your car. You can call a taxi, but it’s Friday night and you will have to wait for ages. So you sit it out and wait for your lift, which is now an hour away. And you fake it. And for all you know, the person sitting next to you could be faking it too.

That’s a big dose of faking, but we do huge amounts of it on a small-scale every day. If any of you are “Charlie Brown” fans you will remember the noise his teacher made and this keeps popping into my head at various times. Times where you could replace the words being spoken in a conversation with “Blah, blah, blah” and neither party would either notice or care. We just seem to disconnect, leave the room mentally if not physically, wanting to be somewhere else.

Okay, so everything doesn’t have to be deep and meaningful. You don’t have to gaze into the eyes of the shop assistant as you pay for your groceries, paying dutiful attention to every word spoken. But at a time where we are being bombarded with instructions on how to be “mindful” in our everyday lives, are we so busy listening to our own self-talk that we can’t really be assed listening to others?

Proudman Vs Carter-Silk

harrassment, Justice, Law & Order, Media, Our World, , , , ,

Why does all of this, including Charlotte Proudman’s response, leave me so uneasy?

In case you haven’t read about it, Charlotte Proudman published a “LinkedIn” e-mail message from Alexander Carter-Silk, a very prominent solicitor,  branded him sexist and misogynistic and is calling for a public apology.

I have read and watched a lot of the reporting of this issue and I notice that just the first part of the message is being shown in most of the reports.

“Charlotte, delighted to connect, I appreciate that this is probably horrendously politically incorrect but that is a stunning picture!!!” 

Now, in the ordinary run of things this isn’t a lot to worry about, but he then continues with,

“You definitely win the prize for the best LinkedIn picture I have ever seen. Always interest [sic] to understant [sic] people’s skills and how we might work together.”  

Yeah, right. “The Prize”?? WTF. Does this man have NO sense whatsoever? I question his ability to cross the road unaided.

Then we have Matthew Scott, a solicitor and blogger, wade in with the following comments,

“I think we have to look how this developed… Charlotte sent him a message, asking him to connect so the initial contact was made by Charlotte. He later complimented her stunning picture, so I do think his crime is provoked from Charlotte.”

I wonder what this man’s attitude to rape is?  Might he think women provoke men into this crime too? And then to top it all he says,

“If a man wanted to approach a woman because he thinks her attractive… it doesn’t make him sexist. It is just perfectly natural behaviour”
Matthew Scott

Really Matthew, even if this man is married and this man’s position makes it, at the very least, “awkward” to refuse or rebuff?  What utter crap!

Charlotte’s asking to “connect” on LinkedIn was a “provocation” according to Matthew, but Mr Carter-Silk’s response was “perfectly natural”.

Dear God almighty! And these are the assholes we turn to for help on matters of right and wrong.

But I cannot say I am easy with Ms Proudman’s behaviour either. I understand she is 27 years old, but in her chosen profession I would have expected her to be a bit more savvy about not only what the reaction to this would be ( and I deeply suspect she was very aware) but that lamenting about sexism in the legal profession is an incredibly narrow view of a very serious issue affecting all of society. Just ask some of the girls suffering FGM, or the ones who can’t choose who, never mind if, they want to marry, about sexual inequality and misogynistic attitudes.

I have had my (un)fair share of sexist shit throughout my life, like every other woman I know, and I would love that my daughters did not have to endure the same, but, too late. I know they have and will continue to do so for a long time.

There is a lot of really great work going on to promote sexual equality, but this public and political grandstanding does none of us any favours.

I have answered my own question. These people represent our legal profession. Lady Justice may not wear a blindfold in her post atop the Old Bailey, but some of those inside certainly seem to.

At Last…But What Happens Now?

Child Abuse, Children, Law & Order, Our World, , , , , ,

So Justice Lowell Goddard has taken her seat at the “Inquiry Into Child Sex Abuse”,(CSA Inquiry) and at long last. Although there will be annual interim reports they do not expect to finish before 2020. The details, the reports, the appointments, it goes on and on; it is a huge undertaking, but if it results in a system that ensures the protection of our children, then so be it.

If.

But what happens now? What happens in the meantime?

This must all seem pie-in-the-sky to the kids suffering at the hands of abusers right now, with no sign of a safe haven. Charities try to pick up the slack, but when you bear in mind that out of approximately 4500 calls made to ChildLine every day only 2500 get answered due to lack of funding, then surely the government owes it to our children to pick up the tab for the shortfall.

Can we stand by and allow a child, who has worked up the courage to call for help, to go unheard? Isn’t that the most basic ask of anyone wronged; to be heard?

I am not trying to detract from the need for or the potential of this CSA Inquiry, but 2020 is a long way away for too many.

I Am Staggered….

50 Shades, Health, Media, Our World, Porn, , , , ,

As I have just read on FaceBook ( so it must be true, every last word of it!!) of a proposed “Erotic Festival” to be held at Narrow Water, Carlingford, in beautiful County Down, Northern Ireland, the ancestral home of the Hall family since 1670.

I have checked and, yes, this is an article from The Belfast Telegraph so, again, it must be true.

“The former Lord Lieutenant of county Down and one of the venue’s trustees, Sir William Hall, has voiced outrage at the prospect.

Sir William said: “Lewdness and lasciviousness will be the theme of this occasion.” (Belfast Telegraph)

Oh but you needn’t worry Sir William. Apparently organisers have said that sex acts will take place only within the privacy of a tent!! So there you go, nothing to worry about.

“John Larkin QC has said, “Sex toys will be on sale, talks will be given which may purport to be serious but the real object is the giving of sexual titillation and gratification to the participants in the festival.

“Nudity and acts of sexual intercourse will be prevalent.” (Belfast Telegraph)

I must stress that according to the article none of the Hall family are involved in organising this festival. The organisers are in fact, Bliss Ireland.

I swear to you, I am staggered!!

I feel like I have gone off into an alternative dimension. I am no prude, by any stretch of the imagination, but I would never have imagined any such event taking place in this country, and certainly not in my lifetime. I’m starting to get a picture of thousands of people turning up for a look-see, but all in disguise!

This would be a very good time to own a fancy-dress shop.

But on a more serious note, the people of this area of our beautiful country have had to live with the constant association to a huge terrorist attack in 1979.

Now they have to get used to being associated with hosting the country’s first “Erotic” Festival and an industry that perpetuates the subjugation of women.

Oh lucky them!

Our Children

Children, Families, harrassment, Life Stressors, Our World, Parents, , , ,

I hadn’t intended to do another blog tonight, but I have just watched one of those short films on FaceBook that made me think about the subject matter of my earlier blogs.

In the film a child is complaining( some might say whining) at her mum. The mother attempts to still the child and this resonated with me.

Is this when we start teaching our children about negativity? Is this when we start to instill the “glass half empty” mentality?

“Don’t go out in the rain, you’ll get wet.”

“Don’t speak out, people may be listening.”

Don’t, don’t, don’t!

Well then, they won’t, won’t, won’t.

They won’t try in case they fail, they won’t laugh in case they offend, they won’t ask for help for fear of anger.

Children are sponges for everything around them; their environment, their family and their friends are key in influencing their outlook on life.

Why not break the chain of negative reactions in a child’s life somewhere?

Show the children you know the good in life, the positive in life and invest in the healthy mental attitudes of tomorrows adults.

Mmmm, I Wonder…

Easy Living, Kind Thoughts, Mental Cruelty, ,

I wonder if anyone actually enjoys spending time around those who wear their negativity loud and proud, who feel the rest of us owe it to them to bolster their self-esteem and “make them happy.”( as if ). How delusional do you have to be not to notice people recoil, break off conversation when you approach or wait until you are not quite out of earshot before uttering,

“What is it with her?”

Yes, it takes all sorts and around Christmas time I wrote a blog called “You get more with sugar than with salt,” where I talked about a man I had worked for in the not so distant past. He believed (and still does) that you get far more from folk by treating them fairly and with respect, a viewpoint I completely agree with and which contributed to such a positive working environment that going to work became a real pleasure. He gave off positive energy (most of the time) and usually got positive back.

Now, I would never pretend to be a modern-day Pollyanna, permanently cheerful and constantly “glad” about life, as you will see from my earlier blog in fact. But I have to wonder, as I said, about some of the joyless, life-sucking and toxic individuals I have encountered lately and what drives their mind-set.

I would love to think you could hold up a mirror to these folk, a mirror with the power to reflect back upon them all that they normally cast outwards, that they could then see and learn and understand.

Is it ever too late? Is it a learned behaviour or are some just born this way?

It may be loneliness, unhappiness, bitterness or disappointment. Who knows. Sadly it usually ends up, “Who cares”. I suppose our response depends heavily on our connection to them.

At what point, when I would find myself alone, without a friend or family, would I wonder,

“Was it something I said?”

Giving It Up.

Calm and Relaxation, Easy Living, harrassment, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Our World, positive thinking, , , , , , ,

I have read so many self-help books, listened to so many experts and attended so many seminars, all aimed at helping us give up the struggle, the stress and the negative thoughts and behaviour that marks our lives.

And I get it! Honestly, I do. Let’s face it, the vast majority of it is plain, good old common sense.

But, what it is NOT, is easy; hence the enormous quantity and re-hashing of similar information.

But, no-body said it would, or should, be.

What it is, is worth it.

Each time I hand over a particular stressor to my life’s path, I gain a relief and sense of peace I would not swap for any amount of money or possession.

I am where I am supposed to be, for whatever reason, and I will find happiness here and now.

I have lived with more stuff, more money, more ego, more fear, more stress.

Giving up the fear of losing something you never “owned” in the first place is liberating, and underlines that well-known saying,

“Less is more.”

Sick!

Media, Terrorism, ,

Okay, so here is the Yin to the Yang of my earlier post on the Tunisian shootings.

A Labour party candidate, Mr Amran Hussain, has posted a “selfie” of his group laying flowers at the site where some of the deaths occurred.

What possessed him? What would ever make it seem okay or reasonable to take an image of laying flowers at the actual place of such horror and then use this for self-publicity?

By all means, write about the heroism of the hotel staff and the measures they took in case of further attacks as he has done, but “selfies” at the scene?

Take a look at yourself you idiot!

Good-Bye Mr.Blatter

Law & Order, Media, Our World, Sporting World, ,

So the bold Sepp is to step down!  Such a shame he could not have mustered even an ounce of dignity and withdrawn from re-election last week.

What I know about football you could write on the back of a postage stamp, but then I don’t think you need to be an expert in “The Beautiful Game” to realise there was something distinctly rotten going on in FIFA.

Allegations of corruption have been bouncing about for years now, but the brass neck of this man to stand for re-election, claiming that his some seventeen years of experience made him the “best man” for the job of clearing house……well…where else would you get it?

Someone in the media likened FIFA to a sinking ship and we all know what usually happens to the captains of said vessels!

Mr.Blatter has clung on long enough, and divided the Association to such an extent, as to have destroyed the very thing he claimed to have worked so tirelessly for.

The huge amounts of money involved, and the power that comes with it, were too much of a temptation for those in positions of trust.

FIFA should be dismantled. Those at its helm, those wielding the power that led to this, should be stripped of influence. It needs a “root and branch” type clean up and protocols put in place to prevent so much power ending up in so few hands ever again.

Personally, I would love to know what has transpired in the last few days to cause the U-turn from this egotistical individual, but then I don’t think we will have long to wait to find out.