Tag Archives: challenges

When IS Enough, Enough?

Life Stressors, ,

This has never been one of my strong points. I eat chocolate to the point of feeling sick, buy shoes and hand-bags to the point of having nowhere to store (hide) them and have similar failings with skin care and make-up. The concept of enough with these kinds of weaknesses is unfamiliar to me.

People, however, are a different matter. I am fast approaching my “enough” point with some people. Rudeness, selfishness and a constant glass-half-empty outlook means they suck the life and joy from your day. Okay I understand that no-one is constantly cheerful, but I fear some appear to be constantly miserable.

It worries me. Not about the miserable buggers themselves; that is their choice. What worries me is my tolerance of them. I can’t be bothered with pretending any more. I just want to walk away: not from good friends having an off day of course, but from badly behaved, inconsiderate grumps, yes, I want to run, and keep on running.

I try not to let the intolerance show on my face, but that isn’t one of my strong points either. As I get older my interest in this kind of “gloss” on how I feel doesn’t weigh as heavily as it used to. But I dislike rows, show-downs or other public displays of aggression, so I walk away.

When I have had enough I walk away and find, happily, I am really okay with spending time on my own. I’m not afraid of being alone anymore. I spend time indulging my foibles, the way I used to indulge others. I read books, watch the TV programmes and movies others hate and generally spend time as I wish without fear of criticism.

And, when I’ve had enough of that, I will give people another try.

Friends.

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I have written many times about my wonderful friends, or my extended family as I consider them. So, it is with a very heavy heart that I now write about a friendship that has waned after many years and many hurdles to overcome.

Funny, but the times of hurdles and shared stressors were a breeze compared with, what should be, a more peaceful time; a time to share a few of the things we had hoped for through all the years. But, maybe that’s the point; perhaps that was all we ever had in common.

There has been no falling out, no arguments; just a distance and a sense of being in the company of a stranger. I embrace that our personalities keep on changing, evolving and, perhaps, by the time we kick the bucket we have become more of the person we hoped to be, but, inevitably I suppose, some of our friendships will not last the course. There is no right or wrong, just different.

But it is sad, and I miss my old friend, terribly.

However, this is where loving someone comes in. Whether or not we see much of each other, or agree with each other, or share the same problems any more; if she needed me, any time, any place, I would be there.

True friends may move in and out of your life, but they will stay in your heart forever.

Downers…Ho Hum..

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Do you ever feel like throwing a wobbly; you know, the spoilt brat kind of leg-kicking, fist-banging, need-a-kick-in-the-ass kind of wobbly??

God, I don’t think I even have the energy for that right now, but inside I feel it. Inside I feel so frustrated with life, with everything. And funnily enough, when you feel like that nothing comes out right. That frustration comes through your words, your body language and the rest!

I feel so tired. I’m tired of not being able to fix the terrible things that are happening to too many of my family and friends. Grief and sadness and worry are flowing down over those I love and cherish. All I have been able to do is listen.

So I go back to the beginning.

I do my very best impression of Pollyanna and remember ALL of the many people and things I have to be “Glad” for, and I feel my world righting itself once more.

With the best will in the world no-one can “fix” anyone else, and so many times in my life I would have given anything for someone to listen to me, without judgement or scorn.

So, onwards and upwards. Carry on MacDuff!

Own Goals Ladies..Please !

Our World, women, ,

I was watching two people review the papers this morning on TV, as I got ready for work, and my heart sank.

The woman, calling herself a “feminist”,  started discussing an article from one of the tabloids with a reference to sexism and, as she became more and more annoyed by the topic, she turned on the man beside her, who was actually agreeing with the sentiment of her argument. Her rants and rhetoric did absolutely nothing to advance the cause of “Equality for Women”; a very noble and just cause that a lot of people (women AND men) have worked so hard for over the years.

I appreciate this is a deeply emotive subject, but I do not find it any more acceptable to listen to a woman berate a man for all the ills of the world, as if he were personally responsible, than if the “Louboutin” were on the other foot.(Am I being sexist there??)

Please, please stop distracting from the fundamental objective of “Equality”, not tokenism, not quotas of “Female Board Members”, and certainly not blaming every man to-day for an environment that has come about over thousands of years.

I fear for the ” Women’s Movement” of yesteryear. The waters seem so muddied with a myriad of confusing messages and images for young women now; their focus and energy taken up with silly side issues and a lot of guff, while the same old injustices still go on, unchecked.

We still have a very long way to go to achieve true equality, where we are ALL judged on our ability to do the job and not on whether we have a penis or a vagina.

Touching The Bottom….

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No, not that bottom!

A massively stress-inducing factor in life is uncertainty; of looking into that black pool and wondering where the bottom is.

Uncertainty seems to take away our options. We can’t do X because Y might happen.

So what, the worst happens! Now you know what you have to cope with, now you can make decisions, choose your course of action; in other words take control.

Yesterday I had a resolution to a long-running issue. It was not the resolution I had hoped for and yet, since that decision was made, I have felt so much lighter, so much more positive and in charge of my own destiny again. It’s as if others were pushing all the buttons, controlling way too many aspects of my life, for months.

And you know what, now that I’m back in the driving seat, I will enjoy the journey.

Down Time

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You can define this several ways.

A period of rest or recuperation.

A time of unhappiness…. or

A time of stepping outside of it all, to reflect and consider.

Sometimes disappointment cuts so deep it’s difficult to see a way out of the emotional cul-de-sac and a period feeling nothing at all can be a welcome break.

I’m not talking about wallowing aimlessly, but rather a time where I show myself the same kindness and understanding I would to a good friend. With enough time and space I can usually find the sense, the purpose of it all.

If we retire to lick our wounds and recover then we should come back again, stronger and more self-aware, but only if we leave bitterness behind; bitterness can play no part in healing or moving on.

Here’s to tomorrow.

Mmmm……

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Now that was a day I wouldn’t be in too much of a hurry to repeat!

You know the kind; you get up in the morning, full of plans and positive energy and then watch as they disappear like the early morning mist; replaced with one mess after another. Are these kinds of days sent to remind us that we are not the masters of our own destiny, that fate can come up at any time and bite you on the ass?

Well bollocks to that! Okay, so things happened to-day that were way out of my control, but what I held on to was MY control, my reaction to each of these stressors and I am taking comfort from that. How much worse could any of it have been had I “lost it” along the way.

Tired and philosophical is okay; exhausted, emotionally drained and angry at life I can well do without thanks.

Aaaahhhhh………

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That’s the sigh of relief that comes with a sense of accomplishment. Okay, so I took a bit of a detour from my plan of getting the workie bits out of the way before I spent some time just suiting myself. I had a lovely relaxing bath, listened to my music and sang along to my hearts content. ( bet you are glad you couldn’t hear that bit. You should be).

But what’s it all about, honestly? I was nearly ready to go out and clean the dammed windows in the middle of the night rather than tackle that lousy report. And, you know, when I did actually start I had it sorted in, at the most, 15 minutes! Why oh why did I let that hang over me, like a huge axe about to fall, for the entire weekend.

Happily I am still in a very positive mood, but I am determined to stop allowing things like this to have so much power over me. I will take the control back from places, people or stuff that threatens to dominate me or my life.

No-one can break me without my co-operation.

It’s That Time Again…

Life Stressors, ,

Okay, so it’s Sunday evening again. So what! I laugh in the face of adversity. Ha ha ha!!

Fair enough, the butterflies are boogieing around my tummy as I write, but I am not giving in to the normal gut-wrenching dread of previous weeks.

Firstly I will take a bit of control; complete my report for my a.m. meeting, put my clothes out for the morning and look over the training material I will be using tomorrow.

And then, I will be nice to me with a lovely, relaxing bath with my new iPod ( full of music my family all hate, brilliant!), and some of the gorgeous goodies I was lucky enough to receive for Christmas.

I am trying so hard to put into practice the ” Choose your mood” part of my earlier blogs. It’s very difficult and this is one of my very big issues(the Sunday night thing), but you know what; whether my mood is good or bad this IS Sunday and I can’t change that. Tomorrow morning I go into work because I need to earn a living, and I can’t change that either.

So, like us all, I have choices. I am choosing to do whatever it is I have to with the best grace, mental attitude and generosity of spirit I can possibly muster.

Well, all things being equal !!