Tag Archives: Choices

Teeny, Tiny Living

Easy Living, Life Stressors, Our World, work-life balance, , ,

I watched a really interesting program ( well the idea behind it was interesting, the presenters could be a bit much) about people in America selling their normal sized houses of approx.1500 sq feet, and opting instead for a mere 172 sq ft of living space. Their reasons for doing this may vary, but I am fascinated to see how they all manage this.

Last week it was a young couple with a three-year old child; difficult. But this company are amazing at utilising every possible square inch and creating the illusion of space and light.

Part of my interest was in the journey the couple had to go on with their most treasured possessions when faced with basically three laundry baskets for all of the clothes and, I think, three much smaller baskets for everything else they were allowed to keep.

Now, that is the way to de-clutter!

It’s a bit like the “If your house was on fire, what would you think important enough to rescue (apart from your family)” kind of argument.

What I have noticed in all of the participants so far is their sense of freedom. Their new, tiny home is a place of function, a space that works for them, as opposed to being a financial or physically demanding drain on resources.

Of course this is an extreme, but, nevertheless, it raises interesting questions on just how much personal space we feel we all need, even behind our own front doors.

Money, Money, Money

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I suppose this naturally follows on from last nights blog, but I have to wonder how, when I am happily de-cluttering and shedding a lot of the “brilliant buys” of my yester-years, I am still able to spend even more money on adjusting to the more minimal, no-fuss, modern look??

Now, for those of you that know me, you probably don’t wonder about that at all. You already know how easily I spend my own money, and have on occasion spent quite a bit of yours as well.(all in a good cause though)

But seriously, it is amazing just how expensive it is to have a house that looks as if it is almost empty! Your old country pine furniture just won’t do apparently ( according to all the best magazines) and you have to change to the super-sleek, high-gloss, no-visible-way-to-open-the-bloody-doors/drawers type of furniture. And the funny thing is, the more plastic-looking, basic, block type it is the higher the price. I think it’s another case of the Emporer’s new clothes and we are all afraid to call it for the racket it is.

Well, I am going to feel that fear!

Forget the “New Look” for my house; the “New Colours”, “New Fabrics”, “New” this, that and loads of the other. It’s my home, not a fashion accessory. Along with all the useless, unloved clutter, I am going to ditch a lot of the hype about how my home should look, and instead enjoy the feeling of warmth, safety and sanctuary.

And now, as more and more clutter disappears I can fall in love again with my country pine and wait for it to be the “New Look” again. I’ll be way ahead of you. Cutting edge; that’s me!

Lighten The Load

Clutter, Life Stressors, positive thinking, , , ,

Friends of mine are getting ready to sell their house and I have watched, week after week, as they get rid of “stuff” in preparation for the move. Mmm, I thought. So, I came home and looked around, looked at what I would have to pack up if I was to move house.

I have only moved once since getting married and having three children, and when I think about the amount of rubbish I carefully wrapped and packed and then paid (dearly) for a removal company to haul for me, well, it takes my breath away. To avoid making a decision about an item I just brought it with me and, only recently, we found three still unopened boxes of goods in our garage that have been there for eleven years. Boy, they were really important weren’t they!

But it’s not all about changing location. There is a beauty and a clarity to ridding your home, your environment, of items that serve no purpose and drain you of energy by clogging up your cupboards, your wardrobes and, most importantly, your mind. So throw it out.

I have bought all the “storage solutions” on the market, from vacuum bags to pretty wicker baskets and I may as well have thrown my money down the drain. As soon as I store the damned things I instantly forget about them, so, if I do need whatever it is again I end up buying another one!  So throw it out.

Another friend, who is a counsellor and a very good one, reckons we spend the first half of our lives accumulating “stuff”, believing this equates to success and happiness. Then, if we are lucky, we gain a certain wisdom/insight, and spend the second half of our lives trying to get rid of that very same “stuff”, having realised that goods, property, possessions, call it what you will, are usually impediments to true happiness and contentment.  So throw it out.

So I have started slowly. It’s a hoot. I have found things I didn’t even know I had, never mind lost. I threw them out.(donated them). I opened bags of clothes and bags given to me “just in case I could use them”, so I threw them out ( donated them).

Forget your Victoran clutter. You can have my share of it. This is so liberating. Clear spaces equal a clear mind. I even have a place for my car keys now!!

Here’s To Fresh Starts

Diets, Life Stressors, positive thinking, , , , , ,

Sunday is the start of a new week. We miss that a bit nowadays with shops open as it seems like just another day. But it’s not; it’s a chance to let go of last weeks frustrations and start a new one with a new and different outlook.

Someone very close to me has just broken up with her boyfriend and he is moving out to-day. It had been bad for a long time but that doesn’t take all the pain out of the finality of this move. But I asked her to think of it as a new and fresh start to not only her week, but her life. All credit to her, she has tried hard and is happy to say she has some hope and a little excitement about the opportunities now open to her.

I have neglected my health and well-being for a long time now and looks like that neglect has lead to an ulcer, causing a lot of pain, nausea and fatigue. I had been feeling really low about it all. But I’m looking out the window now at a crisp and bright Sunday morning and this is a fresh start for me too. It’s time to practice what I preach and value my health and body more than I have to date.

It’s all about perspective, about what you can do, not what you can’t have.

We Say No To Revenge Porn…….,

harrassment, Life Stressors, Porn, women, , , , , , ,

though I just wish a lot more people would say “No” when  this idea is put to them or they come up with it all of their own accord!

I fully understand that some people feel they have no choice for whatever reason and were forced into it, but that still leaves an awful lot of people who seem to think getting naked, taking photographs and then giving access to these pics to their latest nearest and dearest is a good idea. Eh, get the hell over that one please!!

Even if you could trust this person with your life, just how many “celebrities” do you have to witness having their bits and bobs flashed all over the various media platforms to get the message that this is NEVER a safe thing to do. EVER!

It reminds me of the stories of some of the tribes in far-flung continents who were afraid of having their pictures taken, fearing the camera would take their soul and with that their power. Guess what, they were right.

Let anyone have pictures like this of you and they have taken your soul and with it your power. It’s not just a digital image anymore; that’s your future you are giving them.

Think about it.

The Little Darlings……….

Children, Life Stressors, Our World, women, work-life balance, , ,

Go forth and multiply folks. Well, that’s what Pope Francis is saying.

He says that children are a blessing and, having been fortunate enough to have three of them, at times ( most times) they are. I love them dearly ( very dearly, they cost a bloody fortune), but, even though it no longer applies to me directly, I take issue with anyone telling others not only to have children, but that NOT having them is selfish! And all this from a man who doesn’t have any!

I wonder where the Pope will be when the rearing of these little “blessings” is going on.

Apparently the Italian birth rate is falling so perhaps he feels this speech will move couples all over the country to spend the weekend in bed. Responsible contraception should be applauded and the rights of those to not have/want any children is exactly that, their right!

I have known women that have had children, only to admit later they never actually wanted any, but felt they had no choice in the matter. It didn’t always end well.

Now I could never imagine my life without them, and mine have enriched the lives of not only my husband and me, but also those of their grandparents whom they adored. However that was me and that was very much our choice.

But, even though they were all very much wanted and loved to the nth degree, bringing up children is the most difficult thing I am ever likely to do.

I urge people to consider carefully before leaving that pill in its packet or that condom on the bedside locker.

So Tell Me What You Want, What You Really, Really Want……

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Be very thankful I’m not singing this to you; I couldn’t carry a note in a bucket, honestly!

Earlier on this evening a friend advised me to think about what it is I really want from life and for myself, and to then focus on how I achieve these goals. I started to sound like a beauty pageant contestant with my trite answers of happiness, world peace etc, and when I got down to it I could not be more specific.

“Then you are lost” my friend said.

I was quiet for a moment. “Perhaps you are right,” I said.

Because seriously, whilst I can think of a lot of things I do NOT want, I have big problems in identfying positive goals, of having the strength of mind (and nerves) to state the case for my own destiny.

And I know why too; FEAR. Apathy as well.

Fear because it will not suit some of those that depend on me to be there for them and apathy in taking on that battle.

Cutting myself some slack, I know I am getting over ( very slowly) a bad flu and feeling physically very low, but it has certainly got me thinking. I hadn’t actually realised that any positive feelings I had, held the benefit and happiness of others at the core and that my own well being was a spin-off from that. That is not noble. People do not appreciate it and really, why should they?

Again I am reminded of my good friend, quoting a well-known, but little understood, passage from the bible.

“Love thy neighbour, as you would love thyself.”

If you have problems with the love bit try replacing it with “value”; whatever works for you. But until any of us can value/love/appreciate who we are how can we hope to extend that love to others in a healthy way, without sacrificing our own hopes and dreams?

Answers on a postcard to……………..

When IS Enough, Enough?

Life Stressors, ,

This has never been one of my strong points. I eat chocolate to the point of feeling sick, buy shoes and hand-bags to the point of having nowhere to store (hide) them and have similar failings with skin care and make-up. The concept of enough with these kinds of weaknesses is unfamiliar to me.

People, however, are a different matter. I am fast approaching my “enough” point with some people. Rudeness, selfishness and a constant glass-half-empty outlook means they suck the life and joy from your day. Okay I understand that no-one is constantly cheerful, but I fear some appear to be constantly miserable.

It worries me. Not about the miserable buggers themselves; that is their choice. What worries me is my tolerance of them. I can’t be bothered with pretending any more. I just want to walk away: not from good friends having an off day of course, but from badly behaved, inconsiderate grumps, yes, I want to run, and keep on running.

I try not to let the intolerance show on my face, but that isn’t one of my strong points either. As I get older my interest in this kind of “gloss” on how I feel doesn’t weigh as heavily as it used to. But I dislike rows, show-downs or other public displays of aggression, so I walk away.

When I have had enough I walk away and find, happily, I am really okay with spending time on my own. I’m not afraid of being alone anymore. I spend time indulging my foibles, the way I used to indulge others. I read books, watch the TV programmes and movies others hate and generally spend time as I wish without fear of criticism.

And, when I’ve had enough of that, I will give people another try.

Friends.

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I have written many times about my wonderful friends, or my extended family as I consider them. So, it is with a very heavy heart that I now write about a friendship that has waned after many years and many hurdles to overcome.

Funny, but the times of hurdles and shared stressors were a breeze compared with, what should be, a more peaceful time; a time to share a few of the things we had hoped for through all the years. But, maybe that’s the point; perhaps that was all we ever had in common.

There has been no falling out, no arguments; just a distance and a sense of being in the company of a stranger. I embrace that our personalities keep on changing, evolving and, perhaps, by the time we kick the bucket we have become more of the person we hoped to be, but, inevitably I suppose, some of our friendships will not last the course. There is no right or wrong, just different.

But it is sad, and I miss my old friend, terribly.

However, this is where loving someone comes in. Whether or not we see much of each other, or agree with each other, or share the same problems any more; if she needed me, any time, any place, I would be there.

True friends may move in and out of your life, but they will stay in your heart forever.

Risky Business.

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It’s love of course! Perhaps it should carry a health warning.

In my youth I had no selection process at all, I just loved without question and suffered the consequences, the hurt, when it came along. As I get older I have become aware of keeping the “essence” of me, my soul, safe in my relationships with others. But how can I love with the “safety” on?

Am I now going through life carrying out risk assessments before I decide to invest in loving someone or not? And for those I already love, am I taking a part of me back; holding it in safe-keeping?

Well, I still do love, very much, but with different levels of expectation. I love now in a simultaneously selfish and selfless way; selfish in that I give what I can of me, and selfless in that I give it without demand for anything in return.

The all or nothing approach to love is too exhausting and yet too limiting to be sustainable, and laden with disappointment.

I am thankfully long past the naive love of my teenage years, where I imagined all kinds of perfection in those I handed my heart to, and thank God. What a recipe for disaster. Now, I take people for what they( we) are, flawed human beings; and if those flaws are ones I can cope with, and the positive in them offsets any negative aspects, then great.

I haven’t dropped my standards. I just love those I do in a “perfectly” accepting and embracing way.