Category Archives: work-life balance

Be Your Own Best Friend

Calm and Relaxation, Diets, Divorce, Easy Living, Families, harrassment, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Mental Cruelty, Our World, Parents, Special People, work-life balance, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Throughout my various blogs I have referred many times to the quote,

“Love thy neighbour, as you would love thyself.”

I have also gone over how I did not “get it”, for years, that you need to start with the second part of this before you can understand loving others.

The veracity and truth of this comes back to me so many times, that, each time it does I feel I get a better understanding than that first light-bulb moment.

Friends are wonderful and I am very blessed with mine, but until you learn to listen and respect your inner voice, your inner self, you will continue looking for answers to your problems from others. And no-one can fulfill that role, can know what is truly best for you, better than you.

The act of talking an issue over with a friend is great; quite often allowing you to hear the solution and the sense of it. It can provide a clarity and a comfort that comes with sharing and their loving support.But, ultimately, the answer was within your grasp all the time.

In being your own best friend you need the honesty that comes with this kind of relationship and also the same generosity of spirit you would show to that friend when needed.

Finding peace in being alone should not isolate you, but provide you with a strength of self-awareness and allows you to be a better friend to those you love.

Life By The “Indirect” Route

Calm and Relaxation, Diets, Easy Living, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Media, Our World, The Weekend, work-life balance, , , , , , , ,

Just watched an advert on TV for a new show about a guy, Sean, running from John O’ Groats to Lands End by the most indirect route, totalling 1000 miles. ( check out runwithsean.com )

Mmmm, I thought, I fancy trying to live by the “Indirect Route.”

Of course I couldn’t do this all of the time ( God forbid, the world might fall apart if the washing got behind ) , but just every now and again I would like to get from waking up back to bedtime without thinking about time and energy efficiency, and take the more meandering path from morning to night. I would like to set off to somewhere, but perhaps not get there because I found a wonderful distraction along the way.

I suppose this is just another way of expressing the “Stop and Smell the Roses” train of thought, but I liked this guy’s way of putting it.

Even for a weekend I am going to try to throw away my “Life Sat Nav” and wander down the many paths less travelled.

Is “Fat a Feminist Issue?”

Diets, Easy Living, harrassment, Life Stressors, Our World, women, work-life balance, , , , , , , ,

Hell no!

Walk down any street, any public place ( any private place come to that) and you clearly see that FAT is an everyone issue!

What is similar though is the contradictory and cynical way which both the issues of “Fat” and “Feminism” are treated by the government and the media. They are such hypocrites. Magazines and TV programmes selling the next great way to lose weight are also laden with calorific-bomb recipes from the newest chefs, just as the government show “concern” at the ever-increasing girth of our children while allowing/supporting both food manufacturers and retailers to continue pumping menus aimed at children full of toxic and health damaging ingredients. I feel desperately sorry for the children of to-day. I believe the weight issues they will have as they get older will make mine look like a walk in the park.

Similarly women are still experiencing discrimination in the workplace (and others) whilst all the time being distracted with non-sensical demands which do nothing but help keep fellow women back from actual equality.

Fat, food and weight are a big problem for me; they have been for what seems like all my adult life.( me and a few squillion others). Oh yes, it’s dead simple, – eat less and move more. But just like our crappy food, we want all of this yesterday and with bells on! We want to lose weight ( and years) and snap back to what we looked like as teenagers ( you know, like the movie stars).

And what of equality? What is it each of us wants for the next generation?

I want a fair crack of the whip, regardless of whether you have tits or a dick. It’s just about who is best for the job. It’s that simple.

We all look for an “edge” at an interview, but seriously guys, if that edge comes down to your “six inches”( in your dreams! -….or maybe ours!!) then the world is still tits up! (pun intended)

Life Is A Lottery..

Easy Living, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Money, Our World, Wealth, work-life balance, , , ,

I had to laugh at the retired couple who won £53 million on the lottery and thought it was an April Fools joke! The husband explains how he had to wait for four hours to tell his wife as she was away, helping at an OAP’s lunch. It’s a really lovely story, but I can’t help thinking how differently I would react if I had just matched the winning numbers myself.

Well, if I actually survived the shock, I don’t think I could manage to wait four hours to tell anyone, honestly!

I remember sitting at the lunch table with a bunch of my female friends and discussing just such an occasion and how we would all react. I thought for a moment or two and then reckoned, depending on the amount of the win( and £53 million qualifies) that I would come into work, stark naked, save for a pair of very high red patent shoes and, as for my resignation letter, well….. I daren’t tell you where I would hide that!  It put one of my friends right off her lunch!

I’m sure there are a lot of folk who think that is too much money for anyone to win. Well, not me! Where is the issue? If you have too much money and are so afraid it is going to corrupt you; for one thing don’t do the bloody lottery in the first place and, secondly, give away anything you don’t want or need. There are so many good causes out there that would be more than happy to take some of it off your hands and sooth your conscience.

As for not knowing who your “real” friends are? They are the same ones you have always had, so, keeping that in mind, just share the love. Surely the real joy in having an amount of money like that drop into your lap is the happiness and good you can bring to the lives of others.

Money is not the root of all evil, but the greed for it is.

But It’s Not Fair

harrassment, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Our World, Real Despair, work-life balance, , , , , ,

I’m talking the talk, but not walking the walk. I understand what is happening and how little control I have over the desire of others to inflict pain and hurt, but the child in me wants to yell, through streaming, stinging tears,

“It’s not fair!”

But to what end?  “Are they bovered?” as the great Catherine Tate would ask. Of course they bloody aren’t! And this is the thing that pulls me back to reality.

I have ( am still ) running the full kit and kaboodle of beating myself up for the appalling behaviour of others, of it coming to a point I have spent years trying to avoid by working harder, doing longer hours and going so many extra miles I have lapped the world, but to no avail. If someone is THAT determined to do you down , they will. I feel I have let my family down, exposing them to possible financial hardship, let my clients down, set my young adult offspring a bad example, and so on and so on.

And it is ridiculous, completely ridiculous! Not one of those I love, and love me back, is judging me this way. Only me!

So what can I do?

Well, I will dig as deep as I can, as I must, to find my backbone, to find the ballsy, courageous woman I know is hiding within the quivering-lipped, gibbering wreck that devoured me five days ago.  I will be my own best friend, acknowledging my strengths, cutting myself some slack and kindly urging myself back into the real, functioning world.  I will look outside of myself, outside the tiny sphere that has become my world over recent days, and seek out solutions and new possibilities.

Something wonderful is waiting for me and the only way I can get there and realise its potential, is by taking this desperatley difficult journey. It is frightening, terrifying in fact, but we all fear change; even if we know where we are now is awful we instinctively fear leaving the familiar.

I hope you all find the courage you need for your convictions and the strength and support to see them through.

The Calm Before The……..Whatever

Easy Living, harrassment, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Management styles, Special People, work-life balance, , , , , , , ,

I keep checking the mirror to see if I still LOOK like me, because I sure as shootin’ don’t feel like me! I should be running around , crying, ranting, chewing my fingers to the bone, but I’m not. I feel strangely calm with just flutters every now and then of mild panic, quickly subsumed by this… “peace.”

I highlight this because it is common to a few situations close loved-ones have found themselves in lately as well. They have gone through horrendously stressful times, struggling with a life-changing decision, only to find that having taken the leap this same strange peace or calm descends. Other strong forces (sadness, grief, regret) can still take their toll, but, for me, the knowledge that matters have come to the only conclusion they could and should have, make the rest of it bearable.

But I am very, very fortunate. This could all sound incredibly trite to others without the level of support and kindness I am blessed with. I may yet be typing another entry in this blog with one hand, while tearing lumps of my hair out by the roots, cursing myself for putting my own happiness before my duty as a wife, daughter and mother. But what use am I to anyone without my soul and what example would that set to my adult children.  “Yes kids, live your lives but don’t believe that you deserve happiness, or peace, or self-esteem, or joy, or hope.”  No, I don’t think so.

I remember when my children were born saying the “only” thing I wished for them was that they be happy, truly happy. Some friends of mine hoped their children would be doctors or dancers or successful….you get the picture.  At this stage of my life I look back and think my wish may just have been the most ambitious.

The Worst of Times………and More of The Same

harrassment, Life Stressors, Management styles, Real Despair, work-life balance, , , , , ,

It’s really hard to pin-point exactly how I feel, having discovered that a way of life I have loved will have to come to an end. And on top of that to find that, even though I have thought for a long time people could no longer surprise me, well, guess what, they can!

I often wonder where some folk get the energy and spare time in their lives to inflict such pain and malice on others and, sadly, the last eight months, in particular the last ten days, have left me breathless with incredulity at the levels people can sink to. I feel a heartache and sadness that, at one point, I honestly did not think I could bear.

BUT, life is never just black or white. It is, it seems, one of the many( even more than 50) shades of grey; because there they were, those that I love and love me back, lifting this weight from my shoulders, buoying me up with kindness, understanding and peace. They offer me strength not pity, comfort not criticism. And when self-doubt threatens to engulf me I look at the quality of those close to me and think; “I can’t be that bad when these people care about me.”

I still panic at what lies ahead, but I believe things happen in life for a reason, that this will take me down a path I am meant to travel and I will travel that path in hope.

Teeny, Tiny Living

Easy Living, Life Stressors, Our World, work-life balance, , ,

I watched a really interesting program ( well the idea behind it was interesting, the presenters could be a bit much) about people in America selling their normal sized houses of approx.1500 sq feet, and opting instead for a mere 172 sq ft of living space. Their reasons for doing this may vary, but I am fascinated to see how they all manage this.

Last week it was a young couple with a three-year old child; difficult. But this company are amazing at utilising every possible square inch and creating the illusion of space and light.

Part of my interest was in the journey the couple had to go on with their most treasured possessions when faced with basically three laundry baskets for all of the clothes and, I think, three much smaller baskets for everything else they were allowed to keep.

Now, that is the way to de-clutter!

It’s a bit like the “If your house was on fire, what would you think important enough to rescue (apart from your family)” kind of argument.

What I have noticed in all of the participants so far is their sense of freedom. Their new, tiny home is a place of function, a space that works for them, as opposed to being a financial or physically demanding drain on resources.

Of course this is an extreme, but, nevertheless, it raises interesting questions on just how much personal space we feel we all need, even behind our own front doors.

The Little Darlings……….

Children, Life Stressors, Our World, women, work-life balance, , ,

Go forth and multiply folks. Well, that’s what Pope Francis is saying.

He says that children are a blessing and, having been fortunate enough to have three of them, at times ( most times) they are. I love them dearly ( very dearly, they cost a bloody fortune), but, even though it no longer applies to me directly, I take issue with anyone telling others not only to have children, but that NOT having them is selfish! And all this from a man who doesn’t have any!

I wonder where the Pope will be when the rearing of these little “blessings” is going on.

Apparently the Italian birth rate is falling so perhaps he feels this speech will move couples all over the country to spend the weekend in bed. Responsible contraception should be applauded and the rights of those to not have/want any children is exactly that, their right!

I have known women that have had children, only to admit later they never actually wanted any, but felt they had no choice in the matter. It didn’t always end well.

Now I could never imagine my life without them, and mine have enriched the lives of not only my husband and me, but also those of their grandparents whom they adored. However that was me and that was very much our choice.

But, even though they were all very much wanted and loved to the nth degree, bringing up children is the most difficult thing I am ever likely to do.

I urge people to consider carefully before leaving that pill in its packet or that condom on the bedside locker.

We All Need Perspective.

Life Stressors, work-life balance, , ,

It’s all about perspective isn’t it. I had been feeling a bit out of sorts all day, tense and stressing about things way outside my control, when I had a call from a good friend.

My friend was bringing me up to date with a fairly big “issue” in their life and it has been an on-going situation for quite some time now, one still without resolution. Suddenly, my own problems melted away, put firmly back where they belong, into the ” Do Not Bother Even With” box.

I am ashamed it took another’s misfortune to make me see this, but I have spent a lot of time on my own this last week and I have become isolated from the lives of those I love and care about. I desperately needed some “Me Time”, some peace and to catch up on sleep. But perhaps I have been greedy. It’s hard to know when you have had too much of a good thing, but maybe when it starts to cause more angst than relief, you have reached your limit.

I am now looking forward to getting back to the everyday stresses of life, with less time for navel-gazing and worrying about the ifs, buts and maybes of life.

As my sadly deceased father-in-law used to say, “If your Granny had a “wotsit” she’d be your Grandad”.