Look Into My Eyes………….

Diets, women,

I’ve tried them all, seriously, ALL OF THEM !

And some have even worked for a time. Most recently I was hypnotised and simultaneously gave up “Dieting” once and for all. This seemed to be going really well and, honestly, I did feel somewhat liberated. But then the CD I listen to nightly stopped playing and I lost the thread a bit. So I traipsed off to the hypnotist again and he very kindly did it again and gave me a new CD. I left his office as happy as Larry and sooooo determined.

Now, 4 days later, I’m getting very concerned he has mixed up the cd’s and given me one to cure someone of anorexia! Dear God I could eat the chair I’m sitting on! I have blamed the clocks going back, the rain, being tired……….you name it, I’ve blamed it.

I look at my slim friends and have to admire their self-control, their discipline,…..but I also wonder why some folk can just say “no” to the excess calories and some of us just can’t seem to pass a chocolate, crisp or chip without wanting to reach out for it. ( Yeah, me and a few million others!)

I fully realise prioritising weight loss, self-esteem, self-respect and all those other selfs, all play their part in anyone’s success or ( dare I say) failure in this battle, but, I have to say, my slim friends suffer from all of the same life-stressors as me, so why do some of us feel the need to chow down like champions!

In the meantime I will continue with my “non-diet diet” and think health, not weight. It’s not about “skinny” any more. I’d just like to set down the small child I have been lugging about for too many years.

 

 

The Power of Positive Thinking!!

Uncategorized,

Talking to my mate I remarked ” you know I’m absolutely heart-broken about this”.
“No you’re not”, she replied quickly. “You think you should be, so you’re saying you are and “fitting in” with that mind-set”.
I thought for a moment and realised she was right! There is “stuff” in my life right now that really is “heart-breaking” but not this. Someone you love being unwell, and being powerless to help, is “heart-breaking” not the rest of the dross.
Now I am up this morning, feeling like I can embrace the “stuff”, viewing it as a bit of a challenge, but nothing more.
I had actually typed out “take on the world and win” and then realised I don’t even feel that level of strife. Brilliant!
Thanks Babe and you know who you are.

Wonderful, wonderful women!!

women,

I started this blog to rejoice in the strength and positivity of the women I know and those I meet on a day to day basis.

Very recently I met a young woman with two beautiful daughters under 10 and a very busy husband. Everything looked ideal. Suddenly, when she and were chatting alone, tears started to roll down her face as she explained this has been a very difficult year for her. She didn’t manage to get to the crux of whatever issue was troubling her because one of her little girls rushed up needing attention. Just like a mother, she quickly wiped her tears away before turning to her daughter, laughing and encouraging her. The moment had passed and we smiled in recognition of it as she moved away to gather up her girls and get their lunch sorted. Just one woman reaching out to another and my being a virtual stranger made it easier, no loss of face or image to keep up. I worry did she find any solace, any comfort. I believe she knew I understood because don’t we all. Don’t we all know the place she is in, because at some point we have all been there…. and most probably will be again.

Tonight, roughly two hours ago, I met another woman, and within minutes we were laughing at how we seemed to be living each others lives, the commonality of our “problems” quite staggering. We chatted as if we had known each other for years and could have quite happily have spent the entire night sharing stories and anecdotes. Her energy and love of life was palpable. A real joy to meet.

These two stories may seem to be at opposite ends of anyone’s scale but they have a very significant link. None of us were afraid of the others scorn or condemnation. We wanted to be, and were, open and honest and all in an atmosphere of support and empathy.

Now I have to admit to enjoying a bit of a “Joan Rivers” type of humour at times; most of us have. But long after the laughter that kind of empty bitchiness allows us has left our lips, the kindness and warmth of women will stay with me.

I actually think we are quite amazing!!

A State of Grace…..

Uncategorized,

Strange as this may sound, but, after having a few pretty awful weeks, I am sitting down to write this blog with a feeling of peace and tranquillity that has sadly been missing from my life for while, and I’ll tell you why. In the middle of all the “stuff” going on I happened to meet three people that helped restore not only my faith in human kind but in our ability to cope with the big things in life, without going into a complete meltdown.

Instead of a ” Why me” they had a “Why not me” attitude. And I don’t mean in any kind of a “Pollyanna” type of sickly, fake goodness kind of thing. No, these folk were staring at some life-changing events with courage, dignity and a determination to affect change where they can and accept what cannot be altered.

They were not blinkered by their own lives to the pain or suffering of others around them; not so self absorbed as to be unable to look at the happenings around the world and find both the positive and negative in all that is going on. They maintained the ability to reach out to help others, and yes, to ask for help for themselves.

Is this generosity of spirit the “State of Grace” we hear about? I hope so. I felt lighter and more positive after each of these meetings than words can ever say and I very much doubt any of the individuals involved would have any idea how much they have affected me.

They were ordinary people living extraordinarily.

It is so easy to get bogged down in the shocking and heart-breaking events on the news, but there is also so much good around us too. I cringe when people say ” Oh, there’s always people worse off than you” and I certainly derive no comfort from that thought but the next time I feel the pressure of life getting too much I will think of these people and hope some of their grace and dignity has rubbed off on me.

Lazy Mare! ( I wish)

work-life balance

I am sooo sorry to have neglected this blog in what is its infancy! I know some folk say they are really busy, but seriously, this last week has nearly put me over the edge, under the weather and totally round the twist, all at the same time!! Without wishing to sound completely paranoid I think the bastards are all out to get me! There you go, no mental health issues at all!!

I have called myself “lazy” in the title but that is not something I suffer from. No, in fact it is something I aspire to. I hope some day to sit on my fat ass and do absolutely nothing; not a bloody thing…..at all! I think I will eat chocolates as I sit on my ass, and perhaps read ( or write) a book or two, all the while watching the world go by.

Not sure of my chances of this though. As the title implies I have a vagina and, similar to all the other owners of such wonderful organs that I know, our lot is not to sit on our asses but to work them off! Shouldn’t middle-age spread only apply to men in that case. Oh but silly me, they don’t sit around either; they play golf, rugby ( mmm, might be worth it!), football ( not so much) and other such pastimes to ensure their asses stay firm and round. Be thankful for small mercies ladies; it gives us something good to look at when we are almost in a coma!

Further to A Camera Never Lies??

Uncategorized,

I found this image on a blog by Rebecca Hains and was struck by how often we would all love the ability to air-brush our lives, let alone our bodies. Indeed some of us run into trouble when we try to!

The trouble is it all seems okay at first, with the minor adjustments, just like when actors and actresses start with the small, non-invasive treatments to smooth out the lines; the bits they don’t like. But then that usually leads on to the big stuff; the total overhauls and re-inventions and where do you stop?

It reminds me of how annoyed my mum got when my dad told her abruptly, after seeing a less than flattering photograph of herself, “The camera never lies!”

Well, we all know how untrue that is. And just as surely as we know the various actresses do not have 5ft long legs and 20″ waists, we know that few people ( I would say none at all) have “perfect” or “problem-free” lives, so what is all the pretence about? I don’t think we need to “confess all”, or spill our emotional baggage at the drop of a hat, but it must be an enormous strain to have to keep up this image of “Walton Family” type lives.

Drop the act and join the rest of us mere mortals; trying our best to do the “right thing”, even when we haven’t a clue what that is.

How come?………..

Uncategorized, ,

How come every time you leave the house looking less than perfect, you meet the person you really don’t want to meet; either she who purrs with satisfaction at your apparent demise, or he who scans your appearance quickly with a ” God, that was a close escape” glance??

I know this always happens so “how come” I was so lazy?

Well, maybe, during all the broken dish-washer, laundry loading, floor washing, bed changing, loo cleaning……stuff(!!!!), how I look just didn’t seem that important!! And then I feel that look…ouch. Suddenly you see what they see. They don’t know how bad my week has been, or how clean my house is right now because of all my hard work. No, with one scathing look they make their assessment of your life-coping skills and, from their ivory towers of perfect personal grooming, and their desperate need to find a victim to crow over, they pass their judgement.

The absolute worst is the “Ahh, so how are things with you?”, pseudo-sympathetic arm around your shoulder, just hoping you will collapse into them and confess that your life is falling apart. But all of this says more about the viewer than the viewed.

When I meet my friends looking a similar way I guess their dish-washer has just broken, they have just finished their laundry, washed the floors, changed beds and cleaned the loos. One ( or two) off days does not make you a wreck, a failure, or mean that your life is falling apart.  I am actually happy not to be so self-obsessed as to be unable to leave the house without make-up or my hair just freshly coiffed. How awful to  under that kind of self-inflicted pressure.

But………….it might be a while before I do the naked face thing again. As I waited at the till to pay for my groceries I started chatting to a lovely lady. She  was chatting away about her upcoming trip to England. Her face smiled easily and she looked vital and engaged with life. She was happy to tell me her age, 76, and she certainly was a great 76. As we lamented and laughed about the trials of modern day living she asked me (51 years old),

“Do you not find you don’t need as many clothes when you retire?”

Estee Lauder, I love you and will never leave home without you again!!!!!!!!!!!

Get Right Back Up Again !!

Uncategorized

My theme is all about women supporting women, and Good God, have I needed some of that this last two days.

Life just has a way of knocking  you flat on your backside now and again and, without the support and kindness of good friends, where would we be. It’s not all about the huge obstacles in life; more often than not it’s about the “death by a thousand cuts” type of dripping pressure that can break us emotionally and physically. I have at times felt I can’t, or don’t want to, get up again; that it’s just too much.

But this is where the love and warmth of my friends has given me the secure space and time to catch my breath, and also the reassurance of being loved ( confirming I am worthy of this.)

And so I am back, freshly showered, dressed and make up on! Not a lot by some standards but it’s big stuff for me right now. I can now put the issues that bothered me into perspective and accept that life is good……at times, and at times it sucks.  If we don’t have the crap times how will we enjoy the good ones.

But it’s having that space, that breathing space; a secure, warm and cared-for space, that has allowed me to get my “mojo” back.

Thank you to all those who care for me and here’s to life, warts and all!

The White House – But not as you know it!

Uncategorized,

Chatting to a friend recently, she confided her coping mechanism for times of stress or unhappiness. She withdraws to her “White House,” a place of peace, calm and serenity, all shades of white and cream, and also all in her mind!  Now, this sounded wonderful, harmless and totally unthreatening, except for one thing…….this is MY house!!

I was staggered. It really was almost identical to a place I go to in my head when things just get too much on planet earth. That another had built herself a sanctuary in a mirror image of my own started me thinking. I asked other women about how they cope and find this is a common theme; a place of their own, pale, neutral colours, and above all peace and tranquillity.

In my “White House” the fabrics are soft, soothing, warm and comforting. The bedding is crisp, brilliant white and the fire is always glowing.  There is no president in my “White House”, just a first lady.

The colours (or lack of) have to be important. Okay, we are all bombarded with advice on selling our homes and to have a neutral, inoffensive pallet, but I think this is more significant. I believe our “White Houses” represent an emotionally neutral environment, allowing us time and space to decide how we feel about the different stressors in our hectic lives. All very harmless and a valuable breathing space. Yes……… and no.

What happens when our sanctuary becomes more than that? What happens when it becomes our alternative reality, and instead of allowing us some quiet time, mentally, it, in fact, allows us to emotionally to detach from our lives, our husbands/partners and children?  Where is the line the line in the sand?

I’m not trying to repossess any of your lovely, alternative homes here, merely that they come with a warning. Don’t overstay your welcome!