Tag Archives: challenges

Life’s Compensations

Calm and Relaxation, Diets, Easy Living, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Our World, The Good Things In Life, , , , , , , , , , ,

Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who waxed lyrical about “Youth being wasted on the young.” He sounds embittered whereas I feel sorry for young people; not just todays young’uns, but for the youth of every generation.

I know all stages of life have that double-edged sword aspect, but the angst and self-doubt of my teens, twenties and even thirties blinded me to the opportunities and energy that were within my grasp. Is that what nature does; she gives you the wisdom and self-awareness of middle age and saps your drive to maximise their benefits. We grow into ourselves just as our bodies start to creek and groan with the passing years.

Is it all just a see-saw of gains and losses?  Yes, on all levels.

New technology gives us speed and ease of access in communication and yet so many more of us report feeling isolated. Air travel is common place for most and yet the flight is usually a fraction of the time it takes to get to the airport, get through security, and cope with the delays etc. Our houses have every labour-saving device our grandmothers could have hoped for and every gadget to prepare a healthy and nutritious diet, but we have less time for friends and family and, for most of us, eat less home prepared food than ever before.

So, are we ever any further on than of predecessors? No.

Until time travel is invented future generations will go through the same growing pains me, my parents and their parents did. The scenery and specifics may morph but they will remain centered around those insecurities that haunted us all.

But what about the upside of youth; the energy, strength and enthusiasm. They don’t know the limits, so why are we imposing ours on them?

Would You Believe It?

Charity, Families, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Our World, positive thinking, , , , , ,

The news is full of stories illustrating “mans inhumanity to man”, but rarely do we get to hear about those moments of inspiration that so perfectly show what the power of many can do.

Last week approximately one hundred passers-by rushed to the aid of a cyclist trapped under a double-decker bus in Walthamstow, London. Together, they lifted the bus enough to allow the injured man to be pulled clear. Their behaviour flies in the face of the theorists that say, when we become part of a crowd we are slow to react, electing to stand back and wait for “someone else” to take charge.

I doubt anyone there stopped to check out the person on either side of them, to assess whether they would ask them round to theirs for tea on Sunday; they just took a place beside them and, together, their joint strength and will moved, not mountains on this occasion, but a huge, heavy bus and for the benefit of one.

This happened three days ago and I have been wishing ever since we could work like this on a larger scale, politically and socially.

Well, to-day it is wonderful to find that we have.

The news of the breakthrough in the treatment of cancer is nothing short of spectacular. This result is not only the amazing work of the scientists involved, but of every charity collector in the street, every mini-marathon runner, every patient that has taken part in clinical trials and every man, woman and child that has donated time, money and energy to find and fund a cure.

Our own future health is a mixture of good diet, reasonable exercise, genetics and luck, but the vast majority of people I know have invested, in some shape or form, in this research, without waiting to see if they are going to benefit from it personally and without wishing to monitor those that may benefit from it.

We have the power to do wonderful things when we focus on the hope that unites us instead of the despair that divides.

Important Breaking News!!

Diets, Life Stressors, positive thinking, The Good Things In Life, , ,

I am not making this up!

A gang have stolen £200k worth of Toblerone chocolate from a lorry, as reported in “The Telegraph”. Just in case anyone that knows me is about to call the police let me first say,

“I have an alibi!”

And just for the record, £23k worth of whiskey was stolen on another occasion by the same gang, so I might have to turn some of my friends in on this one.

It brings to mind the time my friend’s house was burgled. It was horrible and they took a lot of things she could never replace; really heartbreaking.

One thing stood out though, the ironing board! They stole her ironing board!

When I saw the report of the chocolate theft I imagined a “Sopranos” type scenario, only instead of a fur coat or diamond ring, Tony brings home a bottle of whiskey, a bar of chocolate and an ironing board! Love to see Carmella’s face!

Just Doing What Comes Naturally

Calm and Relaxation, Easy Living, Families, harrassment, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Management styles, Mental Cruelty, Our World, Parents, Special People, , , , , , , , , , ,

How many times have you heard this? Does it usually spring up at the very moment someone is about to attempt to justify the unjustifiable?

Mmm, me too.

“It’s only natural,” is as bogus an excuse for bad behaviour as it is in the labelling of a lot of snacks and convenience foods. In a civilised society we are supposed to temper our “natural” inclinations, to take into account the feelings of others and the impact of our actions on our environment.

Pity then our children trying to make sense of a world where the media makes much of those that shout loudest, stomp on the weak and celebrate/revere the rude, crude and thoroughly undignified.

I feel bombarded by media showing the monetary success this kind of celebrity can bring and, even at my age, have problems processing the quantity and quality of the information, so how on earth can we expect young people to make sense of it, or to be able to filter the myth from the reality.

Unfortunately, and very sadly for all of us, when they try to emulate their modern-day role-models aren’t they then,

“Just doing what comes naturally?”

Be Your Own Best Friend

Calm and Relaxation, Diets, Divorce, Easy Living, Families, harrassment, Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Mental Cruelty, Our World, Parents, Special People, work-life balance, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Throughout my various blogs I have referred many times to the quote,

“Love thy neighbour, as you would love thyself.”

I have also gone over how I did not “get it”, for years, that you need to start with the second part of this before you can understand loving others.

The veracity and truth of this comes back to me so many times, that, each time it does I feel I get a better understanding than that first light-bulb moment.

Friends are wonderful and I am very blessed with mine, but until you learn to listen and respect your inner voice, your inner self, you will continue looking for answers to your problems from others. And no-one can fulfill that role, can know what is truly best for you, better than you.

The act of talking an issue over with a friend is great; quite often allowing you to hear the solution and the sense of it. It can provide a clarity and a comfort that comes with sharing and their loving support.But, ultimately, the answer was within your grasp all the time.

In being your own best friend you need the honesty that comes with this kind of relationship and also the same generosity of spirit you would show to that friend when needed.

Finding peace in being alone should not isolate you, but provide you with a strength of self-awareness and allows you to be a better friend to those you love.

I Am Choosing A Great Day To-Day

Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, Our World, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Having had some pretty stressful times lately, and with more just around the corner, I have felt a bit battered and bruised, or, more accurately, knocked down and trampled. Things that normally come as second nature to me have taken huge efforts and I have just let others slide completely.

But a couple of days ago I started to get fed up with myself. And it came down to something as simple as this. With my first cup of tea in my hand I asked myself what kind of day I WANT; not hope for or expect, but want.

On the first day all I wanted was a better day than the one before, and so it was. The next I wanted a good day, and so it was. It’s Saturday to-day and I want a great day and I will have it.

There was no fairy godmother involved in any of this and shit still happened on those days, but I also found times of happiness and contentment. The only thing different was me. I chose to be.

My head is full of “I can” and “I will”. Perhaps silly things to some, but they are the things I can control and achieve easily; quick wins.

“I will spend extra time on my hair and I will put my make-up on”

“I will wear something I love to-day.”

“I will eat something yummie and then something healthy.”  (These two don’t often have common ground for me)

I haven’t been able to change the people around me or my circumstances, but I will get back up again and get on with my life, my projects and my loving those close to me.

Where Is The Middle Ground ?

harrassment, Life Stressors, Our World, positive thinking, The Power of Celebrity, , , , ,

In an era of supposed tolerance I fear society is becoming an environment of increased contradictions, hypocrisy and more polarised than I ever remember it.

By making things law we do not remove people’s ignorance or lack of understanding of different issues, but merely encourage bitterness and resentment which, with the right fuel, ignites into episodes of hatred and violence.

I was reading recently where some are asking for legislation to be passed that makes “wolf-whistling” illegal. I do not believe this is reasonable, or that it will prevent so many women being harassed in a deeply disturbing and intimidating manner.

We all know the difference between a “Hello darlin’ ” from a smiling, open face, without threat or malice, and a car full of men cruising along beside a lone female, making personal, pointed and threatening comments, leaving her frightened, embarrassed and abused. I have experienced both in my life, as have my two daughters, and they are as different as night and day.

Surely the first is about helping men understand what may or may not be suitable and the second should be dealt with under existing legislation. A new law will not bring a new understanding.

And what of me commenting on an image of a gorgeous, young man earlier this week online? Is that an offence? The comments coming back to me, from my female friends, would make your hair curl; funny but very rude. If my husband and his friends did the same about a gorgeous, young female’s image could I complain? No, but then I wouldn’t, if the context and intent was the same.

This week a court found a local bakery guilty of discrimination for refusing to bake a cake for a gay couple and ordered to pay £500 damages. Facebook has been buzzing and people who didn’t have much of an opinion on homosexuality, one way or another, or consider themselves as having strong Christian ideals, have been getting into quite heated debates ( arguments in some cases) over it.

With Colleen Nolan appearing on “Loose Women” and likening the baking of a cake for this homosexual couple to baking a cake for ISIS,( the cake being covered with a message supporting murder ), I see the already strained relationship here, between The Church and the Homosexual/Gay community, taking a few steps backwards. I empathised with the bakery if this truly upset their religious beliefs, but listening to this ignorant woman left me determined to not accept this kind of intolerance, wherever I find it.

We seem to need absolutes to-day; laws instead of reason, lists of “can and cannots”, instead of common sense and decency.

We complain of a “Nanny-State” and yet we are doing our level best to ensure that’s what we get.                    .

My Mother

Children, Easy Living, Families, harrassment, Life Stressors, Mental Cruelty, Our World, Parents, , , , , , ,

My “issues” with my mother were brought sharply into focus when I found myself watching a particular episode of “The Sopranos”, the one where Tony attempts to suffocate his mother, Livia. Before I knew it I was cheering him on, feeling all of his pent-up hurt, frustration, anger and bitterness as it shut out everything else his conscious self had told him for years; how he should love, care for and respect this woman who had brought him into the world, indeed, given him life.

I looked at “Livia’s” face and saw my own mother.

But instead of feeling shame at my true feelings towards her I acknowledged them and the long path that led to this conclusion. I do not love my mother. I can’t.

Shame has been replaced now with acceptance, albeit an acceptance tinged with real sadness.

Mothers do not give their children life, nature does that. Our children’s’ lives are not our property, not ours to trash as and when the stress of life gets too much. We are merely the guardians, the caretakers (literally) until they can safely take control of their own destinies.

I am so far from being the perfect mother, or even the mother I had hoped to be, but perfection is not what being a parent is about.

For me it’s about loving my kids through all those bad times as well as good, with that same ferocious and undying love I felt the first moment I saw each of them. It’s about putting your arms around them when you really feel like kicking their ass.

And, most importantly, it is about those children growing up knowing, without question at all, that they are loved and lovable.

The reasons for where I am to-day in my relationship with my mother are many and painful, from my parents eventual divorce after years of hell for all involved, to her now obvious mental health problems, but in the end all of this is irrelevant.

I at least understand it is not my fault! It’s just what it is and that is all.

I have no magic answer for how I progress this. It’s just a day at a time.

Down With Rom-Com Woman? Really?

50 Shades, Media, Our World, Porn, women, , , , , , ,

Just finished reading an article about how “romantic-comedies” as a genre of movie are failing women, and they have some suggestions on how to fix the issues.

Rom-coms are not my thing in general, but I do not agree with the criticism levelled at them on this occasion. The article believes that, in an effort to better represent women, this type of movie has made the female leads out to be “perfect” rather than complex, as we are in actual life. Does anyone (male or female) watching a Rambo movie think of it as a representation of the average male? I don’t really think so. And most Rom-Coms I have (partially) seen are about as realistic as “Rambo” and his mates. It’s not really their purpose. They are fantasy, fluff and a bit of fun. I would not have looked to them for female role models. Would you?

The article does go on to point out that TV is doing a much better job of showing modern woman, with all our strengths, weaknesses and complexities coming out through the progress of the series. They have the time and capacity to expand on ALL of the characters, regardless of sex.

I agree, and there are some excellent examples out there. I know this one is over now , but , for me, the female roles in “The Sopranos” were incredible and wide-ranging and all caught up in a traditionally heavily “MALE” environment.

If you want to look at media that is not supporting women in a positive way then take on the “Porn” industry. I don’t know how you can keep young boys or girls safe from this huge influence to their ideas on relationships, sex and understanding each other on a level other than as sexual objects. I pity parents trying to shield their offspring as pornography is now so easily accessible and difficult for them to police.

The consequences to young people of taking their lead from porn has a far more damaging and far-reaching effect on all of us than some bit of old tosh of a “will they/ won’t they make it up the aisle” movie.

The Pro-Divorce Scenario

Divorce, Families, Life Stressors, Our World, Parents, Special People, , , , , , ,

PIcture this please.

Father and daughter are sitting in the garden on a lovely sunny day. Daughter is pregnant with her first child and starts to discuss the recent departure of her mother for sunnier parts, never to return ( or so it was thought).

Daughter asks Father, “Dad, when did you know you had made a mistake marrying mum?”

Father pauses and then replies , “Well, about a fortnight after we married I think.”

Daughter is stunned and says, ” A fortnight? What happened? Why so soon?”

And so he continues, ” Well, she made my dinner one night and asked, as we finished, what I thought of it. So I said it was fine, but perhaps the potatoes could have done with being cooked a bit more.”

“And?” the daughter asks.

“And she didn’t speak to me for a fortnight. I remember thinking “God, I think I’ve fucked up here.”

Daughter continues, ” But Dad, if it was so bad so soon, why did you go on to have kids and inflict your unhappy relationship on us?”

“Oh, you know, nature takes over, things just happen,” he replied with resignation.

“Didn’t you ever think to divorce before we came along?” pressed the daughter.

Shocked, her Father replied, “Oh no! That wasn’t done! You couldn’t do that, no!” He seemed to shudder at the thought.

The daughter shuddered at the memories. I still do.