Category Archives: Life Stressors

The Worst of Times………and More of The Same

harrassment, Life Stressors, Management styles, Real Despair, work-life balance, , , , , ,

It’s really hard to pin-point exactly how I feel, having discovered that a way of life I have loved will have to come to an end. And on top of that to find that, even though I have thought for a long time people could no longer surprise me, well, guess what, they can!

I often wonder where some folk get the energy and spare time in their lives to inflict such pain and malice on others and, sadly, the last eight months, in particular the last ten days, have left me breathless with incredulity at the levels people can sink to. I feel a heartache and sadness that, at one point, I honestly did not think I could bear.

BUT, life is never just black or white. It is, it seems, one of the many( even more than 50) shades of grey; because there they were, those that I love and love me back, lifting this weight from my shoulders, buoying me up with kindness, understanding and peace. They offer me strength not pity, comfort not criticism. And when self-doubt threatens to engulf me I look at the quality of those close to me and think; “I can’t be that bad when these people care about me.”

I still panic at what lies ahead, but I believe things happen in life for a reason, that this will take me down a path I am meant to travel and I will travel that path in hope.

My “Field of Dreams”

Life Stressors, Our World, Special People, The Weekend, , , , , , ,

I’m talking about the 1989 movie of course and I forget, every now and again, just how much of an impression it left on me all those years ago. I have a habit of repeating the famous “Build it and he will come” line when faced with a challenge that requires a leap of faith, becoming a mantra for me.

I have just watched it again and it never fails to leave me with tears streaming down my face, but much more importantly, it leaves me with a great sense of peace and a renewed desire to chase my own dreams, to believe that, with enough self-belief, anything is possible; even finding peace with the loss of those you love most.

This movie should be required viewing for anyone living too much in the harshness of reality, having banished their childhood dreams to the long and distant past and closed off their heart to hope.

And, on a more earthly note, a very sweet looking Kevin Costner, the dazzling eyes of Ray Liotta and the honey-rich tones of James Earl Jones do no harm either!

Teeny, Tiny Living

Easy Living, Life Stressors, Our World, work-life balance, , ,

I watched a really interesting program ( well the idea behind it was interesting, the presenters could be a bit much) about people in America selling their normal sized houses of approx.1500 sq feet, and opting instead for a mere 172 sq ft of living space. Their reasons for doing this may vary, but I am fascinated to see how they all manage this.

Last week it was a young couple with a three-year old child; difficult. But this company are amazing at utilising every possible square inch and creating the illusion of space and light.

Part of my interest was in the journey the couple had to go on with their most treasured possessions when faced with basically three laundry baskets for all of the clothes and, I think, three much smaller baskets for everything else they were allowed to keep.

Now, that is the way to de-clutter!

It’s a bit like the “If your house was on fire, what would you think important enough to rescue (apart from your family)” kind of argument.

What I have noticed in all of the participants so far is their sense of freedom. Their new, tiny home is a place of function, a space that works for them, as opposed to being a financial or physically demanding drain on resources.

Of course this is an extreme, but, nevertheless, it raises interesting questions on just how much personal space we feel we all need, even behind our own front doors.

Shame On You “Daily Mail”

Life Stressors, Media, Our World, women, , , ,

Front page of to-days “Daily Mail” is a close up of the back of a womans head, showing…….dah, dah, dah, dah… GREY HAIRS!

But, that isn’t news enough so, on page 7 they show Kate, the pregnant Duchess of Cambridge, in a full length picture and then re-print the shocking photograph of ( yes, it was HER head on the front page) her seemingly grey roots. Imagine. How dare she. For God’s sake leave the poor woman alone.

WHY? Really, why is this news? Especially as you have to go to the right hand column of page 10 to find a half-assed coverage of a child who died as a result of abuse, and how 18 opportunities to save this boy were missed.

Why don’t you go the whole hog of hypocrisy and misogyny “Daily Mail and David Wilkes” ( the author of this article), and have a centre spread discussing modern womans lack of self-esteem and the increase in plastic surgery?

I have continued to buy this paper long after friends and family fell out of love with its ethics. Well, I’m done!

Lighten The Load

Clutter, Life Stressors, positive thinking, , , ,

Friends of mine are getting ready to sell their house and I have watched, week after week, as they get rid of “stuff” in preparation for the move. Mmm, I thought. So, I came home and looked around, looked at what I would have to pack up if I was to move house.

I have only moved once since getting married and having three children, and when I think about the amount of rubbish I carefully wrapped and packed and then paid (dearly) for a removal company to haul for me, well, it takes my breath away. To avoid making a decision about an item I just brought it with me and, only recently, we found three still unopened boxes of goods in our garage that have been there for eleven years. Boy, they were really important weren’t they!

But it’s not all about changing location. There is a beauty and a clarity to ridding your home, your environment, of items that serve no purpose and drain you of energy by clogging up your cupboards, your wardrobes and, most importantly, your mind. So throw it out.

I have bought all the “storage solutions” on the market, from vacuum bags to pretty wicker baskets and I may as well have thrown my money down the drain. As soon as I store the damned things I instantly forget about them, so, if I do need whatever it is again I end up buying another one!  So throw it out.

Another friend, who is a counsellor and a very good one, reckons we spend the first half of our lives accumulating “stuff”, believing this equates to success and happiness. Then, if we are lucky, we gain a certain wisdom/insight, and spend the second half of our lives trying to get rid of that very same “stuff”, having realised that goods, property, possessions, call it what you will, are usually impediments to true happiness and contentment.  So throw it out.

So I have started slowly. It’s a hoot. I have found things I didn’t even know I had, never mind lost. I threw them out.(donated them). I opened bags of clothes and bags given to me “just in case I could use them”, so I threw them out ( donated them).

Forget your Victoran clutter. You can have my share of it. This is so liberating. Clear spaces equal a clear mind. I even have a place for my car keys now!!

Here’s To Fresh Starts

Diets, Life Stressors, positive thinking, , , , , ,

Sunday is the start of a new week. We miss that a bit nowadays with shops open as it seems like just another day. But it’s not; it’s a chance to let go of last weeks frustrations and start a new one with a new and different outlook.

Someone very close to me has just broken up with her boyfriend and he is moving out to-day. It had been bad for a long time but that doesn’t take all the pain out of the finality of this move. But I asked her to think of it as a new and fresh start to not only her week, but her life. All credit to her, she has tried hard and is happy to say she has some hope and a little excitement about the opportunities now open to her.

I have neglected my health and well-being for a long time now and looks like that neglect has lead to an ulcer, causing a lot of pain, nausea and fatigue. I had been feeling really low about it all. But I’m looking out the window now at a crisp and bright Sunday morning and this is a fresh start for me too. It’s time to practice what I preach and value my health and body more than I have to date.

It’s all about perspective, about what you can do, not what you can’t have.

We Say No To Revenge Porn…….,

harrassment, Life Stressors, Porn, women, , , , , , ,

though I just wish a lot more people would say “No” when  this idea is put to them or they come up with it all of their own accord!

I fully understand that some people feel they have no choice for whatever reason and were forced into it, but that still leaves an awful lot of people who seem to think getting naked, taking photographs and then giving access to these pics to their latest nearest and dearest is a good idea. Eh, get the hell over that one please!!

Even if you could trust this person with your life, just how many “celebrities” do you have to witness having their bits and bobs flashed all over the various media platforms to get the message that this is NEVER a safe thing to do. EVER!

It reminds me of the stories of some of the tribes in far-flung continents who were afraid of having their pictures taken, fearing the camera would take their soul and with that their power. Guess what, they were right.

Let anyone have pictures like this of you and they have taken your soul and with it your power. It’s not just a digital image anymore; that’s your future you are giving them.

Think about it.

The Little Darlings……….

Children, Life Stressors, Our World, women, work-life balance, , ,

Go forth and multiply folks. Well, that’s what Pope Francis is saying.

He says that children are a blessing and, having been fortunate enough to have three of them, at times ( most times) they are. I love them dearly ( very dearly, they cost a bloody fortune), but, even though it no longer applies to me directly, I take issue with anyone telling others not only to have children, but that NOT having them is selfish! And all this from a man who doesn’t have any!

I wonder where the Pope will be when the rearing of these little “blessings” is going on.

Apparently the Italian birth rate is falling so perhaps he feels this speech will move couples all over the country to spend the weekend in bed. Responsible contraception should be applauded and the rights of those to not have/want any children is exactly that, their right!

I have known women that have had children, only to admit later they never actually wanted any, but felt they had no choice in the matter. It didn’t always end well.

Now I could never imagine my life without them, and mine have enriched the lives of not only my husband and me, but also those of their grandparents whom they adored. However that was me and that was very much our choice.

But, even though they were all very much wanted and loved to the nth degree, bringing up children is the most difficult thing I am ever likely to do.

I urge people to consider carefully before leaving that pill in its packet or that condom on the bedside locker.

So Tell Me What You Want, What You Really, Really Want……

Life Stressors, , ,

Be very thankful I’m not singing this to you; I couldn’t carry a note in a bucket, honestly!

Earlier on this evening a friend advised me to think about what it is I really want from life and for myself, and to then focus on how I achieve these goals. I started to sound like a beauty pageant contestant with my trite answers of happiness, world peace etc, and when I got down to it I could not be more specific.

“Then you are lost” my friend said.

I was quiet for a moment. “Perhaps you are right,” I said.

Because seriously, whilst I can think of a lot of things I do NOT want, I have big problems in identfying positive goals, of having the strength of mind (and nerves) to state the case for my own destiny.

And I know why too; FEAR. Apathy as well.

Fear because it will not suit some of those that depend on me to be there for them and apathy in taking on that battle.

Cutting myself some slack, I know I am getting over ( very slowly) a bad flu and feeling physically very low, but it has certainly got me thinking. I hadn’t actually realised that any positive feelings I had, held the benefit and happiness of others at the core and that my own well being was a spin-off from that. That is not noble. People do not appreciate it and really, why should they?

Again I am reminded of my good friend, quoting a well-known, but little understood, passage from the bible.

“Love thy neighbour, as you would love thyself.”

If you have problems with the love bit try replacing it with “value”; whatever works for you. But until any of us can value/love/appreciate who we are how can we hope to extend that love to others in a healthy way, without sacrificing our own hopes and dreams?

Answers on a postcard to……………..

When IS Enough, Enough?

Life Stressors, ,

This has never been one of my strong points. I eat chocolate to the point of feeling sick, buy shoes and hand-bags to the point of having nowhere to store (hide) them and have similar failings with skin care and make-up. The concept of enough with these kinds of weaknesses is unfamiliar to me.

People, however, are a different matter. I am fast approaching my “enough” point with some people. Rudeness, selfishness and a constant glass-half-empty outlook means they suck the life and joy from your day. Okay I understand that no-one is constantly cheerful, but I fear some appear to be constantly miserable.

It worries me. Not about the miserable buggers themselves; that is their choice. What worries me is my tolerance of them. I can’t be bothered with pretending any more. I just want to walk away: not from good friends having an off day of course, but from badly behaved, inconsiderate grumps, yes, I want to run, and keep on running.

I try not to let the intolerance show on my face, but that isn’t one of my strong points either. As I get older my interest in this kind of “gloss” on how I feel doesn’t weigh as heavily as it used to. But I dislike rows, show-downs or other public displays of aggression, so I walk away.

When I have had enough I walk away and find, happily, I am really okay with spending time on my own. I’m not afraid of being alone anymore. I spend time indulging my foibles, the way I used to indulge others. I read books, watch the TV programmes and movies others hate and generally spend time as I wish without fear of criticism.

And, when I’ve had enough of that, I will give people another try.