Category Archives: women

To Have and Have Not !

Life Stressors, women, work-life balance

I was watching breakfast TV the other morning and two people were reviewing the days papers. One of them, a young and very successful businesswoman, was discussing an upcoming seminar/forum on how women can ” Have it All”. She went on to explain this referred to having a career and children and the “Right” to have both. ….. I’m taking deep breaths here….

What a Pile Of Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sick to my back teeth of this utter shit being peddled to young women and girls. When will folk get tired of selling this nonsense. What are we doing but setting these women up for huge disappointments.

It’s NOT about “Right.”

It IS about choice; choosing which will come first ( and I’m not talking timing here but priorities). It’s about compromise, huge compromise; wondering if you doing any of it passably well. It’s about guilt in bucket loads.

The bit that saddens me most about this though is why we have a ” I want it ALL” society. No-one, man or woman, should or can have it all. It’s a myth.

If you are very fortunate you will get what you work hard for. It is a blessing, not an entitlement.

A Kind Word….I Think Not !

Diets, women

I would like to share something with you that happened early on Monday morning, just as I was getting ready to leave for work. I had checked myself out in the mirror and thought I was looking fairly presentable; make-up done, hair done and dressed appropriately for the meetings I had that day.

As I sat down for a few minutes my husband, who has lost a fair bit of weight recently himself, looked across with one of those “I’m being sincere” looks. That always means trouble!

” Listen pet,” he says, ” You know I don’t want to hurt your feelings but.. do you not think you should lay off the pies. Your double chin is in danger of becoming a treble and as for your tummy”.

At this point I interrupted, with a kind of, ” Oh my goodness dear, but have you met me before.” or something along those lines (you get the drift). But no, the poor soul has not heard of ” If you have dug yourself a hole, throw away the spade” saying, and on he went with his caring advice.

Do you know in the end I actually had to laugh ( that is strange for me). Yes, I have put on weight and quite honestly you couldn’t carry buns to me at the minute, so I took it in the spirit it was intended, and that is very refreshing and new for me in this particular circumstance. He genuinely hoped to help me, even if most women I know would read this and want to choke him.

If someone truthfully intends no hurt then why do we take a hurt?  No-one has to be that interested in you so, if like me, you have asked for honesty and help from people in the past how can you take offence when they try to do just that.

Oh, and it’s okay; he has survived to tell the tale!

Finding That Inner Strength

women, ,

I met a really wonderful young woman yesterday through the course of my job and I can’t tell you how much I admire her.

Immediately I found her to be very professional, very on-the-ball and very easy to talk to. After we had dealt with most of the “work” stuff we started to just chat. As we talked about Christmas I discovered she really has had a year from hell, with the loss of one parent in January and the illness of the other now. On top of that she is covering another persons sick-leave in her job, meaning a lot more travelling than usual.

At no point did she have a “poor me” thing going on, though God knows I could have understood if she did. She called it for what it was, ” A Shit Year”, and yes, it had knocked seven bells out of her, but then she went on quickly to talk about the positives; she had recently moved house which meant she now lives opposite her sick parent, how she loves the opportunities the travel in her work has brought her, and her great husband and how much support he has given, ( she met him while volunteering for a support group for a chronic illness, one she has suffered from since the age of nine).

This wonderful woman chose to take a positive perspective wherever she could and accepted the awful things she could not change, no matter how much she may have wanted to. Quite inspirational !

I hope she reads this and I hope I can be more like her. Well done CE.

Any Sign of Christmas With You?

Christmas Gifts, Uncategorized, women

Having a lovely chat with a friend of mine to-day, as we both waited at a mutual customers premises. She was joined by a male colleague and we got to chatting about buying Christmas presents for partners/spouses.

He commented that in 12 years of marriage he has never been able to buy his wife a gift that she has appreciated. In fact she tells them they are terrible gifts ( and that’s the polite version). Last year he paid for himself, his wife and their child to go to Disneyland on holiday and, yes, he did admit that he had really wanted this holiday a lot too. This did not go down well.

I asked him how he felt about buying presents for his wife now and he agreed that he accepted it was never going to be “right” so he just bought something he will enjoy as well. Mmmm, I thought.

It reminded me of a VERY quiet Christmas in our house; the Christmas my husband bought me a set of mats for my car,…..apologies, TAILORED mats for my car. I wondered for the few days before Christmas day what he could possibly have wrapped in such a big, flat package. Funnily enough, car mats were not top of the bloody list!

As the QUIET day wore on and , bless him, his genuine confusion as to my lack of enthusiasm continued, he suddenly remembered another “little something” he had bought me. As he passed me the gift he smiled, ” Sorry love, I forgot about this.”

“Ohhhh, thank God,” I thought. ” He does love me.”

It was a tin of touch-up spray paint for the car !! Seriously.

This is a “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus” moment and he still, some fifteen years later, does not see why I didn’t love this gift. So do you know what?? As he loved the idea of this sooooo much I think I know what he’s getting for Christmas this year.

Thoughts on “10 hours walking in NYC” video

harrassment, women

I have replied to a few blogs on various aspects of this video and it has brought to mind some of the many instances I have  experienced, throughout my life, of this type of behaviour from men.

The time, place and context of each occasion made a huge difference to my reaction, depending on whether I felt afraid, embarrassed or just plain pissed off.

It’s funny though how at the time I thought a lot of it was just a fact of life and had to be put up with. Now that I have two daughters of my own though, and also because of a lot of hard work by women’s groups world-wide, I feel quite differently.

I can take a “joke” with the best of them but unfortunately there are still too many men getting away totally inappropriate behaviour and passing it off as “having a laugh”.

It seems that having a penis, even if it is coming out of the middle of their foreheads, still gives SOME men a feeling of superiority.

Look Into My Eyes………….

Diets, women,

I’ve tried them all, seriously, ALL OF THEM !

And some have even worked for a time. Most recently I was hypnotised and simultaneously gave up “Dieting” once and for all. This seemed to be going really well and, honestly, I did feel somewhat liberated. But then the CD I listen to nightly stopped playing and I lost the thread a bit. So I traipsed off to the hypnotist again and he very kindly did it again and gave me a new CD. I left his office as happy as Larry and sooooo determined.

Now, 4 days later, I’m getting very concerned he has mixed up the cd’s and given me one to cure someone of anorexia! Dear God I could eat the chair I’m sitting on! I have blamed the clocks going back, the rain, being tired……….you name it, I’ve blamed it.

I look at my slim friends and have to admire their self-control, their discipline,…..but I also wonder why some folk can just say “no” to the excess calories and some of us just can’t seem to pass a chocolate, crisp or chip without wanting to reach out for it. ( Yeah, me and a few million others!)

I fully realise prioritising weight loss, self-esteem, self-respect and all those other selfs, all play their part in anyone’s success or ( dare I say) failure in this battle, but, I have to say, my slim friends suffer from all of the same life-stressors as me, so why do some of us feel the need to chow down like champions!

In the meantime I will continue with my “non-diet diet” and think health, not weight. It’s not about “skinny” any more. I’d just like to set down the small child I have been lugging about for too many years.

 

 

Wonderful, wonderful women!!

women,

I started this blog to rejoice in the strength and positivity of the women I know and those I meet on a day to day basis.

Very recently I met a young woman with two beautiful daughters under 10 and a very busy husband. Everything looked ideal. Suddenly, when she and were chatting alone, tears started to roll down her face as she explained this has been a very difficult year for her. She didn’t manage to get to the crux of whatever issue was troubling her because one of her little girls rushed up needing attention. Just like a mother, she quickly wiped her tears away before turning to her daughter, laughing and encouraging her. The moment had passed and we smiled in recognition of it as she moved away to gather up her girls and get their lunch sorted. Just one woman reaching out to another and my being a virtual stranger made it easier, no loss of face or image to keep up. I worry did she find any solace, any comfort. I believe she knew I understood because don’t we all. Don’t we all know the place she is in, because at some point we have all been there…. and most probably will be again.

Tonight, roughly two hours ago, I met another woman, and within minutes we were laughing at how we seemed to be living each others lives, the commonality of our “problems” quite staggering. We chatted as if we had known each other for years and could have quite happily have spent the entire night sharing stories and anecdotes. Her energy and love of life was palpable. A real joy to meet.

These two stories may seem to be at opposite ends of anyone’s scale but they have a very significant link. None of us were afraid of the others scorn or condemnation. We wanted to be, and were, open and honest and all in an atmosphere of support and empathy.

Now I have to admit to enjoying a bit of a “Joan Rivers” type of humour at times; most of us have. But long after the laughter that kind of empty bitchiness allows us has left our lips, the kindness and warmth of women will stay with me.

I actually think we are quite amazing!!