You Get More with Sugar Than Salt…

Kind Thoughts, Management styles

How many managers/leaders have you worked for who live by the belief that they need to be harsh, begrudging, critical ( hyper-critical even) to maintain order and achieve best results. How many offer little or no positive feedback for fear of ……what exactly??

Well, I was blessed, because I found support, wise counsel and praise in my job; enough to call it a career and to look forward to going to work. But, like all good things, it came to an end and the adjustment and sense of loss has been very hard.

To clarify, this positive effect came down to one person, my now retired manager, and if I thought I was the only one in the business to feel the vacuum since he left I could not have been more mistaken. On Christmas Eve he called in to say hello and wish everyone well for the festive season. It was quite remarkable. Afterwards the number of people talking about how much they miss his appreciation of their efforts, his kindness and his understanding, was very touching.

I really wish more managers could understand that working with their staff, giving encouragement and support when needed and praise when deserved, has the potential to move mountains. I would have gone to the ends of the earth to get the best results for my manager and was more than happy to call him “Boss” because, when all was said and done, the buck did stop with him.

So, to all you folk in positions of authority over others take note; treat people decently and with fairness, and you should be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Hurry Up and Wait!

harrassment, Life Stressors, ,

I have often wondered how thin the veneer of fellow- feeling ,even ( or sometimes especially) around Christmas is. Well, thanks to a balls-up at the air traffic control center, I had a mixed picture of it; up close and personal.

Amazing how NATS kept highlighting the speed with which they fixed the “glitch” and yet the knock on effect kept spreading, the repercussions being felt by thousands. One family, with young children, and already travelling for 26 hours, were hoping their flight to Montreal would get to take off; another young man going to miss his sisters wedding back in Germany. And so on and so on………..  All remarkably calm and accepting that no-one actually set out to piss us all off.  And certainly I did not witness anyone take their frustrations out on the airline staff; all doing their best to help their customers and work their way through the huge queues.

I had plenty of time to observe those around me and came to a conclusion! The folk that got grumpy and felt hard done by, behaving like the worst kind of diva, will, most probably, behave the very same way in any and every other aspect of their daily life; and so will those that laughed and joked, offered their seats or a helping hand to their fellow sufferers.

You cannot blame circumstance on your bad temper. It is ALWAYS a choice.

Frustration, helplessness; yes. I felt that, and so did most of those I could see , but I had some great conversations, met some lovely people and had some really terrific laughs! I chose that path.  Hmmmm……..here endeth the nice me…………..

My flight was cancelled. Okay, no problem. Long schlep to collect my checked luggage and then verrrrryyy long queue for a taxi to a very expensive hotel for the night. Okay, still no problem.

Woken by the phone belonging to the pillick in the next room who had gone out but left his bloody phone behind, and it rang, and rang and rang! Getting a bit cross at this point!

Then some silly bitches( pished as farts), attending a Christmas party in the expensive hotel, decided to declare their love for one another outside my room door for what seemed like hours and at the top of the voices. Oh happy days!

And just to top it all, the DJ( not sure if they are still called that, but I did manage to find a few new names for him)played Wham’s “Last Christmas” and the entire works of the late, great Michael Jackson until the wee small hours of the morning, with one of the speakers about 10 feet from my room door.

The night manager explained to me the next morning that I was lucky to get that room as they close these down when a party is on!! They only opened these four rooms when they heard about the problems at Heathrow.(to help out and not cash in I’m sure)

Ah, bless………..Now that’s the Christmas spirit for you!!!!!!!!!!

To Have No Hope At All….Heaven Forbid!

Kind Thoughts, Life Stressors, ,

At some point, in all of our lives, we find ourselves hitting a brick wall, feel lonely, lost and without a “safe harbor,” but seriously, until I watched the programme, “Skint”, I really did not know what I was talking about. I know there have been similar ones on before , but some of the people taking part in this one seemed to express their dire situation in terms that really resonated with me.

One young girl is walking through a park, a bottle of cheap drink in her hand, describing how she has no-one in her life to reach out to, no-one to matter to and nowhere to run to for comfort. I understand that there may be a back story to this, to show how she contributed to this desperate situation, but you know what, so what! To bear witness to her story and have no compassion, to listen and yet not head the warning, would be foolish indeed. Because when all is said and done, with enough bad luck in life, her story could be ours one day.

More than the lack of material things, I think the saddest point of it all was to see so many people completely and utterly without hope; not an iota of it. I have gone through some lousy, low and rotten times, but I have always been blessed with folk who cared for me and been able to love and care for them in return. It is this that gives you hope in all of the despair.

So, to all of my incredible friends and family, who support, nurture, laugh with, cry with and generally take great care of me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

An Early Morning Dip…( In the Sea!!)

Life Stressors, ,

Okay, so I have always loved being beside the sea, watching the tides come and go, acknowledging its raw power and yet, simultaneously, its ability to soothe and give perspective to life.

So, when I found myself in the privileged position of staying in a cottage right on the edge of the sea, I pledged to fulfill one of my “bucket-list” ambitions, a very early morning skinny dip!

Well of course I had made sure I could not be seen! Really, what do you take me for?? And.. yes, it is December and it would freeze the tatties off you when you are fully clothed, but I had made a promise to myself and there was no going back. Welllll now………………

That’s where the “dream” ends and the bloody nightmare begins! When you see these gorgeous women stride confidently into the waves they are NOT walking on the razor-sharp stones in this bay, so I kept my nice comfy slippers on( sponge filled ones). They are also NOT getting into water so cold it would strip the flesh from your bones! I had intended to walk into about mid-thigh height. Unfortunately as soon as the water hit my knees shock took over. I tried to yell but no sound came out; my legs started to shake and I was jumping around like a maniac. Meanwhile my nice spongy slippers had filled with water and, yes, you guessed, I lost my balance, falling ass over tit and going completely under the waves.

Dear God almighty!! Never have I felt anything like it, so cold it was painful. Even when I got into the hot shower, in an attempt to get feeling back into my legs, the skin prickled and stung.

What a tit! Bollocks to bucket lists! I don’t think they are supposed to kill you.

Mind you, if it hadn’t been me, and it had been caught on film, I think I may have just died laughing.

We All Need Perspective.

Life Stressors, work-life balance, , ,

It’s all about perspective isn’t it. I had been feeling a bit out of sorts all day, tense and stressing about things way outside my control, when I had a call from a good friend.

My friend was bringing me up to date with a fairly big “issue” in their life and it has been an on-going situation for quite some time now, one still without resolution. Suddenly, my own problems melted away, put firmly back where they belong, into the ” Do Not Bother Even With” box.

I am ashamed it took another’s misfortune to make me see this, but I have spent a lot of time on my own this last week and I have become isolated from the lives of those I love and care about. I desperately needed some “Me Time”, some peace and to catch up on sleep. But perhaps I have been greedy. It’s hard to know when you have had too much of a good thing, but maybe when it starts to cause more angst than relief, you have reached your limit.

I am now looking forward to getting back to the everyday stresses of life, with less time for navel-gazing and worrying about the ifs, buts and maybes of life.

As my sadly deceased father-in-law used to say, “If your Granny had a “wotsit” she’d be your Grandad”.

Two Ears, One Mouth; Remember….

Life Stressors,

How many of you talk to someone about your problems/issues of the moment in expectation of them being able to offer an answer or to fix your ills?

I doubt the number answering yes to this is actually that high. I believe what most of us hope for is in fact a listening ear, one without judgement. If you are lucky enough to find this you will often hear the solution yourself; as you express yourself in an atmosphere of honesty and trust you are able to feel and appreciate the alternative views of whatever troubles you.

So, the next time a friend or loved one needs to talk, will you remember this? Or will you, in an effort to show your love and concern, try to fix  them? No-one can fix another, but you can offer a safe place, a place of trust and constancy and , I believe most importantly of all, one without judgement or scorn.

And, before you go offering any potentially life-changing advice ask yourself; “Am I qualified  to know what is best for this person right now?” I know I couldn’t, no matter how much I may want to.

That said,………….. if my girlfriend reaches for the skin-toned leggings to wrap, around her rather chubby, cellulite riddled thighs, do you think I’m going to butt in with my opinion???

You bet I am!!

The Danger of Smoke Screens

women, work-life balance,

If you have read my previous post, ” To Have and Have Not”, you may have noticed the topic was one I feel very, very strongly about.

As far as I can see this constant crying for more and more unreasonable and, for small to medium businesses, crippling demands, actually detracts from the key and all too pervasive problem that still exists to-day of sex discrimination.

Those brave women who fought for sexual equality may as well have held on to their bras. The young women of to-day are allowing themselves to be distracted from the “Big Picture”; allowing themselves to seem ridiculous, spoiled and incapable of holding down positions of responsibility and trust. We are helping the dinosaurs of  industry and business keep us where they reckon we belong, still bare-foot, still pregnant and still in the kitchen ( figuratively speaking).

Oh yes, we are helping pay for those lovely kitchens we now have by working at a level that poses no threat, but don’t look up ladies; don’t aspire to go where “No woman has gone before”( sorry Captain Kirk, I’m stealing/adjusting your best lines). If you dare you will most probably find we have not traveled far down the path of true equality to our male colleagues.

 

To Have and Have Not !

Life Stressors, women, work-life balance

I was watching breakfast TV the other morning and two people were reviewing the days papers. One of them, a young and very successful businesswoman, was discussing an upcoming seminar/forum on how women can ” Have it All”. She went on to explain this referred to having a career and children and the “Right” to have both. ….. I’m taking deep breaths here….

What a Pile Of Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sick to my back teeth of this utter shit being peddled to young women and girls. When will folk get tired of selling this nonsense. What are we doing but setting these women up for huge disappointments.

It’s NOT about “Right.”

It IS about choice; choosing which will come first ( and I’m not talking timing here but priorities). It’s about compromise, huge compromise; wondering if you doing any of it passably well. It’s about guilt in bucket loads.

The bit that saddens me most about this though is why we have a ” I want it ALL” society. No-one, man or woman, should or can have it all. It’s a myth.

If you are very fortunate you will get what you work hard for. It is a blessing, not an entitlement.

“The Storms of Life”

Life Stressors,

A friend of mine recently sent me the following quote.

You will not be the same after the storms of life:

You will be stronger, wiser and more alive than ever before.

Bryant McGill

What a lovely thought and something to hang on to through those tough times. I believe the first line to be completely and undeniably true.

Sadly, I question the second. I believe you are different, but as for “stronger” that depends on your definition of the word. Sometimes, to prevent future “storms”, or just to protect our souls, we create shields around ourselves, keeping others at a distance; all in an effort to ensure calm seas in our lives. When you have suffered terribly isn’t it natural to try your best to make sure it never happens again? But is that strength, or a loss of innocence and of trust?

However, I now think of some of the people I have mentioned throughout my various blogs, and I look back to the quote. Truly, Mr McGill must have met some of them when he wrote this; he must have known the amazing “strength” they all have in common, listened to their wisdom and been buoyed by the amount of life  in them.

They have survived the storms, but, more importantly, retained their humanity and compassion; remaining open to those storms yet to come.

A Kind Word….I Think Not !

Diets, women

I would like to share something with you that happened early on Monday morning, just as I was getting ready to leave for work. I had checked myself out in the mirror and thought I was looking fairly presentable; make-up done, hair done and dressed appropriately for the meetings I had that day.

As I sat down for a few minutes my husband, who has lost a fair bit of weight recently himself, looked across with one of those “I’m being sincere” looks. That always means trouble!

” Listen pet,” he says, ” You know I don’t want to hurt your feelings but.. do you not think you should lay off the pies. Your double chin is in danger of becoming a treble and as for your tummy”.

At this point I interrupted, with a kind of, ” Oh my goodness dear, but have you met me before.” or something along those lines (you get the drift). But no, the poor soul has not heard of ” If you have dug yourself a hole, throw away the spade” saying, and on he went with his caring advice.

Do you know in the end I actually had to laugh ( that is strange for me). Yes, I have put on weight and quite honestly you couldn’t carry buns to me at the minute, so I took it in the spirit it was intended, and that is very refreshing and new for me in this particular circumstance. He genuinely hoped to help me, even if most women I know would read this and want to choke him.

If someone truthfully intends no hurt then why do we take a hurt?  No-one has to be that interested in you so, if like me, you have asked for honesty and help from people in the past how can you take offence when they try to do just that.

Oh, and it’s okay; he has survived to tell the tale!