Do you remember that phrase from that really annoying TV quiz? Well I do, but I want to talk about it with a slightly different twist.
You know, you’re upset about something or someone and you think to yourself, “If I go quiet then they will notice and realise I am unhappy and ask me why and tease it out of me and then comfort me and make me feel better.” In your dreams, and just for the record, somebody else’ nightmare! Life is not the movies! You don’t stand, enigmatically, looking out of the window, whilst clutching at the silk drapes, a lace hanky dabbing at your nose and then have the hero somehow read your mind, come over to you, putting a strong arm around you and tell you everything will be all right. REAL LIFE = You standing looking out of the window while the “hero” shouts, “Where are my underpants?” His version of reading your mind? ” She’s being a moody bitch again.” Sorry men; cheap shot; true, but cheap! Anyway, this isn’t really about male vs female. It’s about us all. None of us have the time or energy to figure out what’s going on in the mind of those around us. If you’re anything like me, I can’t even figure out my own mind. So, when we are faced with someone being quiet, withdrawn, not speaking to us, we don’t immediately think, ” Oh, maybe X has happened and she/he needs me to do Y.” Do we bollocks! No! We think, ” There they go, being a moody cow/git again.” We Say What We See. So ask; ask for help or understanding, whatever it is you need. When people find out your “mood” is not their fault they are usually very relieved and happy to console or listen; but ask. Give others their comfort zones and you may be amazed with what you get in return.Tag Archives: Bad Behaviour
The “Great Put Down”….?
Yes, I have laughed along with the best of them when a smart comment seems to take the ground from under a politician or other such publicity hungry individual who has apparently grown too big for their boots. The individual that deals the blow seems to grow in stature, to be feared and revered at once. Who has not admired the skilled comedian that leaves the heckler speechless and regretting he bought his concert ticket.
While we laugh along with the giant-slayer we are part of the crowd, anonymous and comfortable, relieved that, for now, we are not the victim of the barbs. But it can come to us all.
I have been told that no-one can put you down without your co-operation; a sentiment I understand and appreciate, until you remember that we all have weak spots. Those more subtle slights that compound our self-doubt can be more deadly than an outright assault, one we see coming and can fend off with a smart repost.
Who among us is bullet-proof when in the line of fire? Not I. I have way too many faults and weaknesses to want anyone to “take me down”, humiliate or destroy me as part of some great sport. I would also take no pleasure in inflicting that on anyone else.
So leave it to the wannabe politicians and their inquisitors.
A “Great Put Down”. No Thanks
Hi There..
Here I am, back again and very glad to be so.
We all see the good and bad in people in our everyday lives, but usually to a more mundane extent than I have witnessed this last few weeks. I have already written about finding who your true friends really are, when it really counts and your back is against the wall.
Well, very sadly, a remarkably good, kind and much-loved person died last week and I attended their very moving funeral, a service full of love and support for the surviving family and friends. What was mentioned time and again was this persons love for life, right up to the end, their lack of bitterness at the cancer that was taking their life, way too early, and their loving thoughts for those they were leaving behind. What this individual and their wonderful family faced was awful, not deliberate or in any way avoidable, but completely life-changing for all concerned. Yet, despite the palpable sadness of loss, the overwhelming feeling in the chapel was of love for a life well-lived.
Now, I have always had an issue with that certain meanness of spirit I have found in some people throughout my life, the kind of people who take joy in the misery or misfortune of others, seemingly begrudging folk the air they breathe, but, standing in that chapel all I could think was of the total futility and waste of time it is to spend even one precious second of my life carrying anger or hurt in my heart at the actions of others. It changes nothing and that burden weighs heavy, leaving no room there for love and affecting my ability to take joy in the rest of my life.
So I will take some of that positive energy from the way this good person both led his life and faced his death and use it to drive the fear and negativity from my mind and from my soul.
Thankfully, kind, loving and warm people still vastly out-number the shitty ones.
But It’s Not Fair
I’m talking the talk, but not walking the walk. I understand what is happening and how little control I have over the desire of others to inflict pain and hurt, but the child in me wants to yell, through streaming, stinging tears,
“It’s not fair!”
But to what end? “Are they bovered?” as the great Catherine Tate would ask. Of course they bloody aren’t! And this is the thing that pulls me back to reality.
I have ( am still ) running the full kit and kaboodle of beating myself up for the appalling behaviour of others, of it coming to a point I have spent years trying to avoid by working harder, doing longer hours and going so many extra miles I have lapped the world, but to no avail. If someone is THAT determined to do you down , they will. I feel I have let my family down, exposing them to possible financial hardship, let my clients down, set my young adult offspring a bad example, and so on and so on.
And it is ridiculous, completely ridiculous! Not one of those I love, and love me back, is judging me this way. Only me!
So what can I do?
Well, I will dig as deep as I can, as I must, to find my backbone, to find the ballsy, courageous woman I know is hiding within the quivering-lipped, gibbering wreck that devoured me five days ago. I will be my own best friend, acknowledging my strengths, cutting myself some slack and kindly urging myself back into the real, functioning world. I will look outside of myself, outside the tiny sphere that has become my world over recent days, and seek out solutions and new possibilities.
Something wonderful is waiting for me and the only way I can get there and realise its potential, is by taking this desperatley difficult journey. It is frightening, terrifying in fact, but we all fear change; even if we know where we are now is awful we instinctively fear leaving the familiar.
I hope you all find the courage you need for your convictions and the strength and support to see them through.
The Worst of Times………and More of The Same
It’s really hard to pin-point exactly how I feel, having discovered that a way of life I have loved will have to come to an end. And on top of that to find that, even though I have thought for a long time people could no longer surprise me, well, guess what, they can!
I often wonder where some folk get the energy and spare time in their lives to inflict such pain and malice on others and, sadly, the last eight months, in particular the last ten days, have left me breathless with incredulity at the levels people can sink to. I feel a heartache and sadness that, at one point, I honestly did not think I could bear.
BUT, life is never just black or white. It is, it seems, one of the many( even more than 50) shades of grey; because there they were, those that I love and love me back, lifting this weight from my shoulders, buoying me up with kindness, understanding and peace. They offer me strength not pity, comfort not criticism. And when self-doubt threatens to engulf me I look at the quality of those close to me and think; “I can’t be that bad when these people care about me.”
I still panic at what lies ahead, but I believe things happen in life for a reason, that this will take me down a path I am meant to travel and I will travel that path in hope.
Reluctantly, 50 Shades..
I say reluctant because I am sick to death of all the nonesense around the books and the bloody film, but I have just read something that made me actually cry laughing. Wait for it…
Madonna, no less, has no intention of watching the movie as she thought the book,
“so unrealistic” and “not very sexy”. Pllllleeaaassssse..
You have got to know why she thinks its unrealistic too!
It’s not the fact that this guy is a billionaire and gorgeous and hurts the heroine just enough to turn her on( and not enough to injure her) and that really, he is in love with her and it all ends happily ever after. Not at all…. excuse me but I’m laughing again.. ahem, gather yourself girl.
No, it’s because she reckons, “This is so unrealistic because no guy goes down on a girl that much.”
Yeah Madonna, THAT’S the unrealsitic bit!
Dear God, who is this bloody woman.
We Say No To Revenge Porn…….,
though I just wish a lot more people would say “No” when this idea is put to them or they come up with it all of their own accord!
I fully understand that some people feel they have no choice for whatever reason and were forced into it, but that still leaves an awful lot of people who seem to think getting naked, taking photographs and then giving access to these pics to their latest nearest and dearest is a good idea. Eh, get the hell over that one please!!
Even if you could trust this person with your life, just how many “celebrities” do you have to witness having their bits and bobs flashed all over the various media platforms to get the message that this is NEVER a safe thing to do. EVER!
It reminds me of the stories of some of the tribes in far-flung continents who were afraid of having their pictures taken, fearing the camera would take their soul and with that their power. Guess what, they were right.
Let anyone have pictures like this of you and they have taken your soul and with it your power. It’s not just a digital image anymore; that’s your future you are giving them.
Think about it.
Naked Women and Prostitutes
Taken from a report on the Dominique Strauss-Kahn trial.
“His lawyer, Henri Leclerc, said at the time: “In these circumstances one isn’t always clothed, and I challenge you to tell the difference between a prostitute naked and any other woman naked.”
Now maybe I’m a bit slow here but hasn’t one lot of these women normally emptied your wallet before getting naked?
And before my husband makes any smart-assed comment on this,
“What’s yours is mine darling…or was anyway”
When IS Enough, Enough?
This has never been one of my strong points. I eat chocolate to the point of feeling sick, buy shoes and hand-bags to the point of having nowhere to store (hide) them and have similar failings with skin care and make-up. The concept of enough with these kinds of weaknesses is unfamiliar to me.
People, however, are a different matter. I am fast approaching my “enough” point with some people. Rudeness, selfishness and a constant glass-half-empty outlook means they suck the life and joy from your day. Okay I understand that no-one is constantly cheerful, but I fear some appear to be constantly miserable.
It worries me. Not about the miserable buggers themselves; that is their choice. What worries me is my tolerance of them. I can’t be bothered with pretending any more. I just want to walk away: not from good friends having an off day of course, but from badly behaved, inconsiderate grumps, yes, I want to run, and keep on running.
I try not to let the intolerance show on my face, but that isn’t one of my strong points either. As I get older my interest in this kind of “gloss” on how I feel doesn’t weigh as heavily as it used to. But I dislike rows, show-downs or other public displays of aggression, so I walk away.
When I have had enough I walk away and find, happily, I am really okay with spending time on my own. I’m not afraid of being alone anymore. I spend time indulging my foibles, the way I used to indulge others. I read books, watch the TV programmes and movies others hate and generally spend time as I wish without fear of criticism.
And, when I’ve had enough of that, I will give people another try.
Downers…Ho Hum..
Do you ever feel like throwing a wobbly; you know, the spoilt brat kind of leg-kicking, fist-banging, need-a-kick-in-the-ass kind of wobbly??
God, I don’t think I even have the energy for that right now, but inside I feel it. Inside I feel so frustrated with life, with everything. And funnily enough, when you feel like that nothing comes out right. That frustration comes through your words, your body language and the rest!
I feel so tired. I’m tired of not being able to fix the terrible things that are happening to too many of my family and friends. Grief and sadness and worry are flowing down over those I love and cherish. All I have been able to do is listen.
So I go back to the beginning.
I do my very best impression of Pollyanna and remember ALL of the many people and things I have to be “Glad” for, and I feel my world righting itself once more.
With the best will in the world no-one can “fix” anyone else, and so many times in my life I would have given anything for someone to listen to me, without judgement or scorn.
So, onwards and upwards. Carry on MacDuff!
thefellowshipofthevagina 