Tag Archives: Choices

I Am Choosing A Great Day To-Day

Having had some pretty stressful times lately, and with more just around the corner, I have felt a bit battered and bruised, or, more accurately, knocked down and trampled. Things that normally come as second nature to me have taken huge efforts and I have just let others slide completely.

But a couple of days ago I started to get fed up with myself. And it came down to something as simple as this. With my first cup of tea in my hand I asked myself what kind of day I WANT; not hope for or expect, but want.

On the first day all I wanted was a better day than the one before, and so it was. The next I wanted a good day, and so it was. It’s Saturday to-day and I want a great day and I will have it.

There was no fairy godmother involved in any of this and shit still happened on those days, but I also found times of happiness and contentment. The only thing different was me. I chose to be.

My head is full of “I can” and “I will”. Perhaps silly things to some, but they are the things I can control and achieve easily; quick wins.

“I will spend extra time on my hair and I will put my make-up on”

“I will wear something I love to-day.”

“I will eat something yummie and then something healthy.”  (These two don’t often have common ground for me)

I haven’t been able to change the people around me or my circumstances, but I will get back up again and get on with my life, my projects and my loving those close to me.

Justice For Children

I have just finished reading an article from The Independent regarding the reduction in sentence of the convicted abuser of a six year old boy, from six years to thirty-eight months. To be honest I had to read it twice as I thought I must be making a mistake; but no!

These two judges reckon this SIX YEAR OLD BOY was “making a precocious choice of his sexuality” and therefore the abuser’s behaviour could NOT be considered, in legal terms, “gravely outrageous”.

WTF!

Apologies to James Rush from The Independent for lifting so much straight from his article, but I am still going back and re-reading it to make sure.

Oh, and another brilliant nugget from these two “Judges” (I’ll use that term for the moment); one of them has claimed in a radio interview that, prior to the childs molestation by the convicted abuser, the boy had been subjected to,

“the initiation by his father into the worst of worlds, leading him to deprivation.” ( From interview with Judge Horacio Piombo )

Is this how far we have come in protecting our children from sexual predators? Are we as a society going to allow an adult to claim that a child is in any way to blame for the abuse they have suffered?

This case took place in Argentina, but as we all know, this lack of justice for children is a world-wide issue and no country can wag its judgemental finger at another.

In an era where we examine whether children are fatter than they should be, how they have so much more “stuff” than is good for them, it would surely behold us to make sure they are safer than ever before from the vile attentions of perverts and, if the worst does happen to them, that they are heard and then shielded from further harm.

Activist groups in Argentina are rightly outraged and are calling for the removal of both judges from the bench.

However, we desperately need to understand how any interpretation of law anywhere allows a six year old child to be portrayed as the villain.

Age-Defying Stars Over 70!!!…….Plllllease

Just had a quick look at one of those add-ons at the side of the article I was reading and have almost died laughing.

As you can imagine from the title it lists a host of movie stars who are all over 70, but, for some of them to be described as “Age-Defying”……..oh, excuse me , I’m off again!

Jane Fonda – maybe there are still some of her original parts there, but after the amount of work she has had done, to list her as age-defying is just… defying logic and reason.

Sophia Loren- ridiculous, trying to hold on to a past beauty instead of embracing who and what she is now – a survivor.

Faye Dunaway – She could join Mickey Rourke as poster boy and girl for NEVER having plastic surgery.

As for the rest, a lot of them look really great; if anything some have actually improved with age ( and perhaps a little help).

The difference is they are trying to be the best version of the age they are now, instead of searching for the Holy Grail of their youth and its beauty.

It must be hard for some, to have been known and adored for their looks, to accept the ravages of getting older.

I’m learning to live with it though!

So, “Sexy” Is Too Easy!

God, I would love to think so! It takes me ages, honestly!

Just kidding, in my dreams.

I love that Dame Helen Mirren recognises the many aspects that add up to attractiveness, but I just find it a bit condescending and hypocritical.

She is still working the off-the-shoulder dresses and “sexy” look ( and well done her, regardless of and not despite her age), so I find her dismissal of this particular form of beauty rings a little hollow. I can almost hear the “Dahling” being purred after the statement.

You are still rocking it Dame Helen, so please, enjoy it and lay off the trite lamentations.

A Quick Thought On Madonna

So Madonna sticks the lips on The Tuesday rapper, Drake, without so much as an “Excuse me dear” He looks like he wants to be sick afterwards, but says in an interview later it’s because of the taste of her lipstick. Yeah, right.

As usual, Ms M is unrepentant. Who’s kidding who. She loves it. Controversy is the air the silly old bag breathes.

But why is okay for her to “out-bloke” the blokes? If an older man had done that to a younger woman, in the same way, would we not all now be outraged?

Such empty, self-serving nonsense does nothing to promote equality for women, except in being equal to the men we now hold up to ridicule.

My Mother

My “issues” with my mother were brought sharply into focus when I found myself watching a particular episode of “The Sopranos”, the one where Tony attempts to suffocate his mother, Livia. Before I knew it I was cheering him on, feeling all of his pent-up hurt, frustration, anger and bitterness as it shut out everything else his conscious self had told him for years; how he should love, care for and respect this woman who had brought him into the world, indeed, given him life.

I looked at “Livia’s” face and saw my own mother.

But instead of feeling shame at my true feelings towards her I acknowledged them and the long path that led to this conclusion. I do not love my mother. I can’t.

Shame has been replaced now with acceptance, albeit an acceptance tinged with real sadness.

Mothers do not give their children life, nature does that. Our children’s’ lives are not our property, not ours to trash as and when the stress of life gets too much. We are merely the guardians, the caretakers (literally) until they can safely take control of their own destinies.

I am so far from being the perfect mother, or even the mother I had hoped to be, but perfection is not what being a parent is about.

For me it’s about loving my kids through all those bad times as well as good, with that same ferocious and undying love I felt the first moment I saw each of them. It’s about putting your arms around them when you really feel like kicking their ass.

And, most importantly, it is about those children growing up knowing, without question at all, that they are loved and lovable.

The reasons for where I am to-day in my relationship with my mother are many and painful, from my parents eventual divorce after years of hell for all involved, to her now obvious mental health problems, but in the end all of this is irrelevant.

I at least understand it is not my fault! It’s just what it is and that is all.

I have no magic answer for how I progress this. It’s just a day at a time.

Shame On You Jeremy Clarkson!

Up until now I couldn’t really have given two hoots for the whole “Clarkson” debacle, viewing it as just another in the long list of crap surrounding both this programme and this man.

Now, if I never hear the name of this snivelling excuse of a human being again I will be very relieved!

In his Sunday article he talks about how he had a “cancer scare” going on at the same time as he punched one of his colleagues, only getting the all-clear two days later, and also talks about the awful strain he has been under since the breakdown of his marriage. Oh sorry, he does acknowledge that there are others out there who are suffering too and are handling it better than he did. Ahhhh.

Boo-bloody-hoo you pathetic individual! Have you actually no dignity at all? Will you ever learn to just “Shut Up”??

I know people whose level of suffering and stress leaves me breathless, and yet they never seek sympathy or pity, or to excuse appalling behaviour because of it. They may seek empathy, but are usually far more likely to reach out in support of others.

It was a TV show! You have made squillions from it and probably never need to work again! Build a bridge, you asshole and GTF over it!

Down With Rom-Com Woman? Really?

Just finished reading an article about how “romantic-comedies” as a genre of movie are failing women, and they have some suggestions on how to fix the issues.

Rom-coms are not my thing in general, but I do not agree with the criticism levelled at them on this occasion. The article believes that, in an effort to better represent women, this type of movie has made the female leads out to be “perfect” rather than complex, as we are in actual life. Does anyone (male or female) watching a Rambo movie think of it as a representation of the average male? I don’t really think so. And most Rom-Coms I have (partially) seen are about as realistic as “Rambo” and his mates. It’s not really their purpose. They are fantasy, fluff and a bit of fun. I would not have looked to them for female role models. Would you?

The article does go on to point out that TV is doing a much better job of showing modern woman, with all our strengths, weaknesses and complexities coming out through the progress of the series. They have the time and capacity to expand on ALL of the characters, regardless of sex.

I agree, and there are some excellent examples out there. I know this one is over now , but , for me, the female roles in “The Sopranos” were incredible and wide-ranging and all caught up in a traditionally heavily “MALE” environment.

If you want to look at media that is not supporting women in a positive way then take on the “Porn” industry. I don’t know how you can keep young boys or girls safe from this huge influence to their ideas on relationships, sex and understanding each other on a level other than as sexual objects. I pity parents trying to shield their offspring as pornography is now so easily accessible and difficult for them to police.

The consequences to young people of taking their lead from porn has a far more damaging and far-reaching effect on all of us than some bit of old tosh of a “will they/ won’t they make it up the aisle” movie.

The Pro-Divorce Scenario

PIcture this please.

Father and daughter are sitting in the garden on a lovely sunny day. Daughter is pregnant with her first child and starts to discuss the recent departure of her mother for sunnier parts, never to return ( or so it was thought).

Daughter asks Father, “Dad, when did you know you had made a mistake marrying mum?”

Father pauses and then replies , “Well, about a fortnight after we married I think.”

Daughter is stunned and says, ” A fortnight? What happened? Why so soon?”

And so he continues, ” Well, she made my dinner one night and asked, as we finished, what I thought of it. So I said it was fine, but perhaps the potatoes could have done with being cooked a bit more.”

“And?” the daughter asks.

“And she didn’t speak to me for a fortnight. I remember thinking “God, I think I’ve fucked up here.”

Daughter continues, ” But Dad, if it was so bad so soon, why did you go on to have kids and inflict your unhappy relationship on us?”

“Oh, you know, nature takes over, things just happen,” he replied with resignation.

“Didn’t you ever think to divorce before we came along?” pressed the daughter.

Shocked, her Father replied, “Oh no! That wasn’t done! You couldn’t do that, no!” He seemed to shudder at the thought.

The daughter shuddered at the memories. I still do.

Life By The “Indirect” Route

Just watched an advert on TV for a new show about a guy, Sean, running from John O’ Groats to Lands End by the most indirect route, totalling 1000 miles. ( check out runwithsean.com )

Mmmm, I thought, I fancy trying to live by the “Indirect Route.”

Of course I couldn’t do this all of the time ( God forbid, the world might fall apart if the washing got behind ) , but just every now and again I would like to get from waking up back to bedtime without thinking about time and energy efficiency, and take the more meandering path from morning to night. I would like to set off to somewhere, but perhaps not get there because I found a wonderful distraction along the way.

I suppose this is just another way of expressing the “Stop and Smell the Roses” train of thought, but I liked this guy’s way of putting it.

Even for a weekend I am going to try to throw away my “Life Sat Nav” and wander down the many paths less travelled.