Tag Archives: Inspiration

What About Saying What You Feel??

No-one can stop us from feeling what we feel, but how about saying what we feel? Is that OUR right, all of the time?

I don’t believe so, because it depends on the WHY. Why are we choosing that moment to speak what is in our minds? Is it to exercise our right to free speech or is it to hurt, to put another down under the camouflage of ” Well I was just telling you the truth.” And whose truth is it anyway? It’s theirs, and their truth at that moment, regardless of however little knowledge they have of whatever is going on.

And then there is the flip side to this,( as with most things in life), because how many people really, REALLY want the truth; yours or anyone else’s. How many times have folk said to me, ” Now, tell me honestly,” or “I need you to be straight with me,” and I look at them and think, ” Who are you trying to kid. You want affirmation of your own thoughts/actions and couldn’t give a hoot for my opinion if it is going to clash with your own.”

So, I will temper my response by how close these people are to me, how important the matter appears to be and how genuine their need for my version of the truth is. But at no time will I feel imbued with some God-given right to wound another soul with what I feel is the “honest truth” on any subject or issue.

But I apologise. I started this blog about ” feelings” which is not always about truth. I still think the same applies though; as long as you do no harm in expressing your thoughts then, there should be no problem. And to see both the good and the bad aspects of this subject we need look no further than “Facebook” , “”Twitter” et al.

Modern media has such incredible capacity and power for good, and yet, in the hands of those who would, in the past, have been no more than village gossips, they can now go global with their determination to tell us all, just what they feel, about anything and everything.

What we need now are filters! Big ones and built-in to our brains, with off buttons for bullshit, whinging, bullying etc and an “On” switch for all the good things in life.

Colouring In Books for Grown Ups? Really?

Just read an article in TheWeek.co.uk claiming half of the top ten best-selling books on Amazon are actually colouring in books for adults and this is the new craze for us grown ups.

It mentions groups of people getting together for coffee and a colouring session and how they are disconnected from technology whilst doing this, therefore they are relaxing, Yes? No! The next thing they talk about is how they are concentrating on staying within the lines and I can feel my adrenalin levels rising.

One of the better aspects for me about getting older is saying “bollocks” to staying inside any lines, on a page or anywhere else. I have this image of being back in school with the little boy beside me shoving my elbow because his picture was not as neat as mine. That was the end of a not so beautiful friendship!

Now, to each their own, but I can think loads of more stress relieving pastimes than revisiting that part of my childhood.

The “Great Put Down”….?

Yes, I have laughed along with the best of them when a smart comment seems to take the ground from under a politician or other such publicity hungry individual who has apparently grown too big for their boots. The individual that deals the blow seems to grow in stature, to be feared and revered at once. Who has not admired the skilled comedian that leaves the heckler speechless and regretting he bought his concert ticket.

While we laugh along with the giant-slayer we are part of the crowd, anonymous and comfortable, relieved that, for now, we are not the victim of the barbs. But it can come to us all.

I have been told that no-one can put you down without your co-operation; a sentiment I understand and appreciate, until you remember that we all have weak spots. Those more subtle slights that compound our self-doubt can be more deadly than an outright assault, one we see coming and can fend off with a smart repost.

Who among us is bullet-proof when in the line of fire?  Not I. I have way too many faults and weaknesses to want anyone to “take me down”, humiliate or destroy me as part of some great sport. I would also take no pleasure in inflicting that on anyone else.

So leave it to the wannabe politicians and their inquisitors.

A “Great Put Down”. No Thanks

Is “Fat a Feminist Issue?”

Hell no!

Walk down any street, any public place ( any private place come to that) and you clearly see that FAT is an everyone issue!

What is similar though is the contradictory and cynical way which both the issues of “Fat” and “Feminism” are treated by the government and the media. They are such hypocrites. Magazines and TV programmes selling the next great way to lose weight are also laden with calorific-bomb recipes from the newest chefs, just as the government show “concern” at the ever-increasing girth of our children while allowing/supporting both food manufacturers and retailers to continue pumping menus aimed at children full of toxic and health damaging ingredients. I feel desperately sorry for the children of to-day. I believe the weight issues they will have as they get older will make mine look like a walk in the park.

Similarly women are still experiencing discrimination in the workplace (and others) whilst all the time being distracted with non-sensical demands which do nothing but help keep fellow women back from actual equality.

Fat, food and weight are a big problem for me; they have been for what seems like all my adult life.( me and a few squillion others). Oh yes, it’s dead simple, – eat less and move more. But just like our crappy food, we want all of this yesterday and with bells on! We want to lose weight ( and years) and snap back to what we looked like as teenagers ( you know, like the movie stars).

And what of equality? What is it each of us wants for the next generation?

I want a fair crack of the whip, regardless of whether you have tits or a dick. It’s just about who is best for the job. It’s that simple.

We all look for an “edge” at an interview, but seriously guys, if that edge comes down to your “six inches”( in your dreams! -….or maybe ours!!) then the world is still tits up! (pun intended)

Life Is A Lottery..

I had to laugh at the retired couple who won £53 million on the lottery and thought it was an April Fools joke! The husband explains how he had to wait for four hours to tell his wife as she was away, helping at an OAP’s lunch. It’s a really lovely story, but I can’t help thinking how differently I would react if I had just matched the winning numbers myself.

Well, if I actually survived the shock, I don’t think I could manage to wait four hours to tell anyone, honestly!

I remember sitting at the lunch table with a bunch of my female friends and discussing just such an occasion and how we would all react. I thought for a moment or two and then reckoned, depending on the amount of the win( and £53 million qualifies) that I would come into work, stark naked, save for a pair of very high red patent shoes and, as for my resignation letter, well….. I daren’t tell you where I would hide that!  It put one of my friends right off her lunch!

I’m sure there are a lot of folk who think that is too much money for anyone to win. Well, not me! Where is the issue? If you have too much money and are so afraid it is going to corrupt you; for one thing don’t do the bloody lottery in the first place and, secondly, give away anything you don’t want or need. There are so many good causes out there that would be more than happy to take some of it off your hands and sooth your conscience.

As for not knowing who your “real” friends are? They are the same ones you have always had, so, keeping that in mind, just share the love. Surely the real joy in having an amount of money like that drop into your lap is the happiness and good you can bring to the lives of others.

Money is not the root of all evil, but the greed for it is.

Hi There..

Here I am, back again and very glad to be so.

We all see the good and bad in people in our everyday lives, but usually to a more mundane extent than I have witnessed this last few weeks. I have already written about finding who your true friends really are, when it really counts and your back is against the wall.

Well, very sadly, a remarkably good, kind and much-loved person died last week and I attended their very moving funeral, a service full of love and support for the surviving family and friends. What was mentioned time and again was this persons love for life, right up to the end, their lack of bitterness at the cancer that was taking their life, way too early, and their loving thoughts for those they were leaving behind. What this individual and their wonderful family faced was awful, not deliberate or in any way avoidable, but completely life-changing for all concerned. Yet, despite the palpable sadness of loss, the overwhelming feeling in the chapel was of love for a life well-lived.

Now, I have always had an issue with that certain meanness of spirit I have found in some people throughout my life, the kind of people who take joy in the misery or misfortune of others, seemingly begrudging folk the air they breathe, but, standing in that chapel all I could think was of the total futility and waste of time it is to spend even one precious second of my life carrying anger or hurt in my heart at the actions of others.  It changes nothing and that burden weighs heavy, leaving no room there for love and affecting my ability to take joy in the rest of my life.

So I will take some of that positive energy from the way this good person both led his life and faced his death and use it to drive the fear and negativity from my mind and from my soul.

Thankfully, kind, loving and warm people still vastly out-number the shitty ones.

The Calm Before The……..Whatever

I keep checking the mirror to see if I still LOOK like me, because I sure as shootin’ don’t feel like me! I should be running around , crying, ranting, chewing my fingers to the bone, but I’m not. I feel strangely calm with just flutters every now and then of mild panic, quickly subsumed by this… “peace.”

I highlight this because it is common to a few situations close loved-ones have found themselves in lately as well. They have gone through horrendously stressful times, struggling with a life-changing decision, only to find that having taken the leap this same strange peace or calm descends. Other strong forces (sadness, grief, regret) can still take their toll, but, for me, the knowledge that matters have come to the only conclusion they could and should have, make the rest of it bearable.

But I am very, very fortunate. This could all sound incredibly trite to others without the level of support and kindness I am blessed with. I may yet be typing another entry in this blog with one hand, while tearing lumps of my hair out by the roots, cursing myself for putting my own happiness before my duty as a wife, daughter and mother. But what use am I to anyone without my soul and what example would that set to my adult children.  “Yes kids, live your lives but don’t believe that you deserve happiness, or peace, or self-esteem, or joy, or hope.”  No, I don’t think so.

I remember when my children were born saying the “only” thing I wished for them was that they be happy, truly happy. Some friends of mine hoped their children would be doctors or dancers or successful….you get the picture.  At this stage of my life I look back and think my wish may just have been the most ambitious.

The Worst of Times………and More of The Same

It’s really hard to pin-point exactly how I feel, having discovered that a way of life I have loved will have to come to an end. And on top of that to find that, even though I have thought for a long time people could no longer surprise me, well, guess what, they can!

I often wonder where some folk get the energy and spare time in their lives to inflict such pain and malice on others and, sadly, the last eight months, in particular the last ten days, have left me breathless with incredulity at the levels people can sink to. I feel a heartache and sadness that, at one point, I honestly did not think I could bear.

BUT, life is never just black or white. It is, it seems, one of the many( even more than 50) shades of grey; because there they were, those that I love and love me back, lifting this weight from my shoulders, buoying me up with kindness, understanding and peace. They offer me strength not pity, comfort not criticism. And when self-doubt threatens to engulf me I look at the quality of those close to me and think; “I can’t be that bad when these people care about me.”

I still panic at what lies ahead, but I believe things happen in life for a reason, that this will take me down a path I am meant to travel and I will travel that path in hope.

My “Field of Dreams”

I’m talking about the 1989 movie of course and I forget, every now and again, just how much of an impression it left on me all those years ago. I have a habit of repeating the famous “Build it and he will come” line when faced with a challenge that requires a leap of faith, becoming a mantra for me.

I have just watched it again and it never fails to leave me with tears streaming down my face, but much more importantly, it leaves me with a great sense of peace and a renewed desire to chase my own dreams, to believe that, with enough self-belief, anything is possible; even finding peace with the loss of those you love most.

This movie should be required viewing for anyone living too much in the harshness of reality, having banished their childhood dreams to the long and distant past and closed off their heart to hope.

And, on a more earthly note, a very sweet looking Kevin Costner, the dazzling eyes of Ray Liotta and the honey-rich tones of James Earl Jones do no harm either!

Here’s To Fresh Starts

Sunday is the start of a new week. We miss that a bit nowadays with shops open as it seems like just another day. But it’s not; it’s a chance to let go of last weeks frustrations and start a new one with a new and different outlook.

Someone very close to me has just broken up with her boyfriend and he is moving out to-day. It had been bad for a long time but that doesn’t take all the pain out of the finality of this move. But I asked her to think of it as a new and fresh start to not only her week, but her life. All credit to her, she has tried hard and is happy to say she has some hope and a little excitement about the opportunities now open to her.

I have neglected my health and well-being for a long time now and looks like that neglect has lead to an ulcer, causing a lot of pain, nausea and fatigue. I had been feeling really low about it all. But I’m looking out the window now at a crisp and bright Sunday morning and this is a fresh start for me too. It’s time to practice what I preach and value my health and body more than I have to date.

It’s all about perspective, about what you can do, not what you can’t have.